An Unsuitable Person
by Cheb
Summary: It's not Karakura, it's Nerima. There's no such person as Kurosaki Ichigo... But don't worry, there's Tendou Akane instead. Currently on hold, see my profile for details
1. The mantle too big for her

Note: This server's document input filters are becoming more and more restrictive, far surpassing the point of "ridiculous" and now approaching "paranoial". The last invention - stripping the standard quotation marks from new chapters. Luckily, the plain quotation marks aren't affected... Yet. I wonder when they, as well as commas and m-dashes will have their turn...? For now, enjoy reading this with incorrect quotation marks.

You'd better read this story from my home page where I keep it with full formatting intact (see the link in my profile).

* * *

**An Unsuitable Person**

_by Cheb_

* * *

DISCLAIMER: The characters and settings here do not belong to me, they are created by the true masters, Rumiko Takahashi and Tite Kubo. This story is exclusively for non-commercial use.

* * *

**Chapter 1**

_(Where we see one (bitter-)sweet girl on the collision course with the mantle several sizes too big for her.)_

* * *

The view pans over the roofs of the two-story suburb named Nerima. The neighborhood is clean and picturesque, with very narrow streets barely suitable for vehicle movement, there are round convex mirrors at the bends, allowing to see beyond the corner. The panorama is abound with light poles and power lines stretching in all directions.

We hear the angry girl's voice: "I asked you, what is **THAT**!! Don't you dare to ignore me again!"

The view pans down, to the narrow, deserted street, stopping at the scene in the midst of it.

A pissed, short-haired girl in a bluish-green school dress stays there, facing the four impudent hooligans with skateboards.

The said hooligans obviously aren't taking her seriously, so the girl rapidly loses her temper, using the last ounces of her will to stay polite.

"Hey, what's matter with ya, chick?"

Yes, these youngsters have, obviously, never been attending the same school as her. Otherwise they'd be much, much humbler. Because the girl's left eye is already twitchingnot a good sign. They are also dense as logs, because even a non-martial artist could see the hint of an angry red aura enveloping the girl now.

"I. Ask .You. One. Last. Time." the girl growls, gritting her teeth, "WHAT! IS! THAT! OVER THERE!!"

Any local... Heck, any sane person in their place would try to defuse the situation now. Unfortunately for them, the hooligans are none of the above, and allow themselves a few scoffing remarks. There are four of them, after all, against one stuffy schoolgirl.

The said girl's patience snaps almost audibly.

The jerks then learn that some unimposing schoolgirls out there could be strong as gorillas and hit worse than trucks...

Some jaws hurting and limbs twisting later the dialog returns to its staring point:

"Now would I, please, have the answer: What is that?" the girl says in an exaggeratedly sugary tone, pointing at the base of nearby lamppost.

"That is..." the downed hooligan groans, "Unng... That is a gift..."

"Gift to **whom**?" the girl asks sweetly, twisting his arm some more.

"Ouch...! To the kid who died here in a traffic accident a few days ago!" The hooligan does his best to cooperate now. A girl that could beat the living daylights out of you without breaking a sweat is scary. A girl who tries to be nice while twisting your arm... it's plain terrifying.

"Then why is it overturned?!" she asks with even more sugar in her voice.

The bottle with flowers beside the lamppost is, indeed, overturned, spilling the water in a small puddle.

"We... We were skating and accidentally dropped it..." the youngster whimpers, still not understanding what this crazy chick got so angry at.

"Then why don't you apologize to HER?!" the girl barks, pointing at her left. With the last word her head seemingly increases in size, gaining almost demonic appearance. The hooligans shriek like little girlsbut not because of the demon head, no. There, at the left of her, suddenly could be seen a ghost of a small girl, her face bloodied...

The yelling hooligans scamper away, leaving behind all their skateboards and delusions of being the tough guys.

The short-haired schoolgirl bows to the ghost girl nobody but her could see. "I'm sorry I did show you to them like that."

"It's nothing," the ghost replies with a small smile. "After all, it was me who asked you to scare them away. I should thank you."

"You shouldn't. It's a martial artist's duty to protect those who can't protect themselves," says the older girl, smiling at her happily. Any traces of anger have already left her face, no one would imagine now how scary she could be sometimes. "Well, good bye then. I should go. Good luck and don't linger in the mortal world for too long!" she waves the ghost goodbye and walks away. The ghost is smiling, looking after her with big, sad eyes.

The short-haired girl walks down the quiet streets, makes a few turns, and finally arrives at the gates of her clan's ancestral home.

"I'm ho-me," she drawls tiredly, changing from her shoes to house slippers, being answered "Welcome back!" from the dinner table where her two older sisters are already having dinner. "Any news?" she asks without much hope in her voice.

"I'm afraid, no," replies the middle sister, the black-haired girl with a bob-cut. The newcomer just sighs unhappily.

"You're late," notes the oldest sister, the taller girl with long black hair wearing a conservative housewife dress.

"Sorry, I was helping a gh...", the youngest sister begins to reply, but meets one reproachful look and one annoyed, "..etoo... a girl, who was bullied by hooligans," she finishes lamely.

"Oh please, not your ghost stories again," the middle sister sighs exasperatedly.

"You shouldn't fantasize like this," admonishes the oldest sister. "It's so childish."

She doesn't reply, she just sits down and begins eating with a sour face. This conversation is age-old, she have long since deserted any hope to convince them.

The dinner continues on.

The TV blabbers in the background, spewing out a loads of mostly useless information. Suddenly it draws everybody's attention: "..as you can see, the mount Horai collapsed. We don't know what could have caused this, but some locals claim that they saw a bright glow in the night sky. There are suspicions about UFO..."

The chopsticks in the youngest sister's hand snap.

"Ara..." gasps the oldest sister. "That's the same mountain where..."

"Excuse me," says the youngest one sharply, putting down the broken chopsticks and standing up. Then she leaves, heading upstairs.

* * *

The last thing you need on top of misunderstanding and worrying a lot about your fiance is some nutty samurai wannabe on your desk. "Just great", she thought marching up to her and readying herself for another confrontation.

"It's close!" uttered the black-clad girl, seemingly her age, hopping down from the table. A martial artist, she noted by her movements. In garment just like Kuno's, only black. Figures.

The stranger, meanwhile, completely ignored her, heading toward the door. "Yes, I can sense it..."

Her temper ignited like the dry leavesthe dry leaves soaked in liquid oxygen, that's it. How dares this tramp to ignore her so demonstratively!? Instant later the uninvited guest was sent flying with a mighty kick. "Who...? How...? It's you who hit me...?" she stammered from the intruder-shaped dent in the wall.

She didn't pay attention. She was seeing mostly red now. "WHAT DO YOU THINK you are doing IN MY ROOM!!" she bellowed. "Explain at once, or I...!"

"Impossible! A mere human shall not be able to see me...!"

"I don't care what I should and what I should not, you thief! I ask you again, what were you doing..." She approached, looming menacingly.

The stranger jumped up, landing on her head with one elegant, unbelievably motion. Next moment she was planted face-first in the floor, the black-clad girl touching down behind her with a feather-light step.

She swiveled, jerking onto her feet with powerful motion that would make an enraged bull proud. The stranger was standing beside her desk, evaluating her calmly. "I'm a Shinigami," she said. "You're not an ordinary human if you can see me."

"Huh??" She instantly went from 'ready to pounce' to 'frozen in shock'. "A Shinigami?Shouldn't you be in a hooded cloak, with a scythe...?"

The black-clad girl stood straight and scowled at her, appearing toi be slightly shorter that even her fiance's female form. "You are too keen in following foreign traditions while abandoning your own," she scolded sternly.

She was cowed now. "Are you... **gulp** ..here for me...? Or... Or is it him...?" she was beginning to panic, having just now realized that there was a real, honest to god, angel of death standing in her room. Complete with a katana, she realized belatedly.

"Not for you," the Shinigami started to explain, "For my purpose is not..."

The conversation was interrupted by a loud crash and screams from downstairs. "She's here for them," she misunderstood, the icy knot forming in her stomach. "Onee-chan!!" she dashed like a wind.

"Stop! You will perish! No human can fight it...!" the Shinigami cried, following her downstairs.

She didn't care. Because there it was. A bit blurry, but never the less distinct abominationan elephant-sized spider crouched amidst the inner yard, its head a white and black mask resembling an baboon muzzle, with huge, disgustedly human-like teeth curved in a mocking parody of a smile.

And the middle sister, lying unmoving beside the house wall...

And her oldest sister, the second person dear to her after her late mother, gripped in the monster's pincer...

"Stop!! You cannot! Step out of my way!"

There weren't any words in this world that could have stopped her at this moment. With a savage cry she charged forward, purposely neglecting any defense and caution... Nothing did matter except her sister's life now.

She managed to dodge the leg swipeunbelievably fast for such a huge creatureonly to meet the lunge of its gaping maw. The porcelain-white teeth weren't pointy, but they were thin and razor sharp, she managed to notice in her last moments...

A black blur knocked her aside, meeting the jaws with a sickening chomping sound. The monster froze in place for a few terrifying moments, then it spat the mangled Shinigami out, and jumped away with a loud shriek, its tongue cut off. Her sister landed in the koi pond, surfaced, and started coughing, leaning on the stones of the pond edge.

She rushed to her black-clad savior, dread filling her entire being. The wounds weren't visible under the black fabric of her outfit, but that sound... And the blood, a lot of blood... "Are... Are you all right?"-a dumb question, considering the circumstances, but nothing else came out of her shell-shocked mind.

The Shinigami girl's body was bent unnaturally, her spine probably broken. "You are fool," she squeezed, coughing up blood. "Now I could not fight it. We can only wait until it returns, and be devoured."

"Could we do something? Anything...?" she pleaded, "Maybe I could help you somehow? Call the police?"

"Don't..." the Shinigami girl replied, coughing up more blood. "They cannot see it and would be slain. The only thing we can do is to lend you a bit of my power." She lifted her gaze, looking her directly in the eyes. "You will become a Shinigami, and so will be able to slay the Hollow. But I shall warn you: the risk is high. It is possible that you will be unable to return to the old body, thus having to leave this world."

"I will take that risk," she told the Shinigami firmly, not averting her eyes. She could hear that the abomination has stopped wailing for its hurt tongue and was approaching now. "What should I do?"

The Shinigami girl lifted her sword that she, by some miracle, still held in her bloodied hand. "Thrust this zanpakuto through your chest..."

"And then?"

"Your soul will leave the body and become a Shinigami. The body... Hope it will survive."

She nodded with grim determination. The monster was close now, she could feel it. Then she remembered that they didn't introduce themselves to each other.

"Tendou Akane. I hope this meeting isn't our last one."

"Kuchiki Rukia. Do your best."

The monster lunged.

She plunged the sword into her chest with all her might, an action accompanied with the icy cold and a sickening crunch.

And there was a blinding flash of power...

(o)(o) End of Chapter One (o)(o)

* * *

Thanks for the C&C to:

Cylon One 


	2. The unpleasant revelation

Note: This server's document input filters are becoming more and more restrictive, far surpassing the point of "ridiculous" and now approaching "paranoial". The last invention - stripping the standard quotation marks from new chapters. Luckily, the plain quotation marks aren't affected... Yet. I wonder when they, as well as commas and m-dashes will have their turn...? For now, enjoy reading this with incorrect quotation marks.

You'd better read this story from my home page where I keep it with full formatting intact (see the link in my profile).

* * *

**An Unsuitable Person**

_by Cheb_

* * *

DISCLAIMER: The characters and settings here do not belong to me, they are created by the true masters, Rumiko Takahashi and Tite Kubo. This story is exclusively for non-commercial use. 

**Chapter 2**

_(Where our heroine finds herself in for the unpleasant revelation.)_

* * *

"How could that be?" Rukia thought, lying in a boneless heap, utterly drained. "I planned to give her only a fraction... How could I err so gravely...?" The lifeless shell of Akane lay beside her. The black clad form of Akane battled the Hollow, slowly chopping at it like an unexperienced woodcutter at a particularly thick tree.

Her zanpakuto was a beautiful claymore with a thin, almost transparent ice blade that widened slightly toward its end, where it curved gently into a wider three-pointed tip, like a rhombus slightly showing from its otherwise sleek shape. Its elaborate guard resembled, at the same time, both a fan of icicles and a huge snowflake.

It groaned and chimed its woe now at being used in the most barbaric way imaginable. Akane's form was terrible, she obviously never worked with a two-edged blade before — blinded by rage, she was raining a hail of the hard, savage blows in a completely unvarying and easy to read pattern. The Hollow was receiving lots and lots of superficial wounds and giving her a brutal beating in return. Seemingly unfazed by pain, Akane was springing back to her feet again and again, continuing her grisly work. The Hollow just hadn't her fortitude, backing slowly but steadily.

"Oh, I am an idiot", Rukia thought ruefully. "I gave her everything... So much power in the hands of an untrained rookie... This zanpakuto seems to be in a permanently released state, she is lucky if she won't drain herself dry..." She felt her vision blurring and cried as loud as she could: "Destroy the mask! It's the only way to finish it!"

With a savage cry Akane jumped high into the air, her jump carrying her over the overgrown spider. A mighty downward slash crushing its mask the monstrosity disintegrated into nothing... Akane landed near the koi pond and wobbled unsteadily.

"Are you all right?" Rukia asked with concern.

"Just fine!" Akane hissed through her clenched teeth, smiling cheerfully. Then she toppled over.

* * *

They were all dead. They all stalked her - their skin pale, their faces bloodied... Nabiki, holding her torn off arm. Daddy, his guts spilling out, Kasumi, her neck twisted at impossible angle... "Why didn't you save us?", they moaned hauntingly.

"No... NO!!!" she shook her head in denial.

"Sorry. You were too late," the severed head of Rukia informed her. "If you hadn't put yourself in my way and just let me do my job... But you're a real martial artist, ne? You can take everything, ne? Ever fit to protect those dear to you, ne? You don't even need anyone's help, ne...?" The words skewered her like accusing spears, making her writhe in agony of shame.

"AAAAAAH!" Akane woke up in cold sweat. Then she just sat there, her heartbeat gradually slowing down to normal. It was a dream. It was just a dream!

"Thank you, Kami-sama!" she exclaimed in joy. "Thank you- thank you-thankyou!" she jumped out of her bed and went downstairs, to the bathroom.

Where she promptly fell onto her posterior. The family was fine and unscathed, all right. The sliding walls lay smashed, through the hole one could see the broken and battered stone fence and the messed up lawn beside the koi pond - the telltale traces of yesterday battle with that... "Hollow", as Rukia called it.

"Are you all right, everybody?" she asked tentatively, having been taught by hard experience to be careful with words around anything unusual. After all when your relatives don't see the same things as you do, they tend to trust their own eyes... unfortunately. "I mean, after what happened yesterday..." she trailed off.

"Oh, yes, Akane," Nabiki said, "You really sleep like dead. Even missed Ryouga who charged in yesterday night to challenge Ranma..." She frowned. "Wait a minute... Now, thinking of it, why didn't I charge the oaf...? No, wait, they went together for that ladle, why should he search for him here? What is going on...?" she fell silent, confused.

"Ah... Uhm... Ryouga, of course," Akane mumbled, eying the demolished yard. As if the gentle, caring Ryouga could do such a thing to their house when Ranma wasn't here to goad and make a fool of him.

She didn't say a word until the breakfast was over. How much of yesterday was truth? Had she really become a Shinigami? She could never know it. Rukia wasn't here anymore, but obviously someone had cleaned the mess up and left without saying goodbye.

* * *

The road to school was uneventful — except for Kuno, who in absence of Ranma became much more active. A quick punting job later she headed for her class.

Ukyou stared at her with uncharacteristic suspicion. "Care to share something with me...?"

"Why? What is wrong?" Akane replied sweetly, feigning total ignorance. As if she'd talk to Ukyou about anything concerning her ability to see the ghosts. Surely, her arch-rival for Ranma's heart was almost like a best friend to her, but there were things she'd never discuss with her. It was enough that her **sisters** thought she missed a few screws in her head.

"As you wish," Ukyou replied with sudden coldness, turning away.

"Must be something on my face," Akane thought, turning away as well. "I should pretend better."

The class was about to start. "And now," the teacher said, "allow me to introduce your new classmate..."

"Kuchiki Rukia. Pleased to meet you," the all-too-familiar girl, now clad in Furinkan uniform, bent down in a polite bow.

Akane almost believed then and there that the "to jump out of one's skin" phrase had a literal meaning...

"The hell is going on?" Ukyou mumbled, gritting her teeth, so quiet that nobody heard her. "What mess did you get yourself in, Akane?"

* * *

Onna-Ranma, meanwhile, was dragging two small unconscious farm animals from the Horai depression (formerly Mt. Horai) towards the closest village, singing happily "I can be a man again!", blissfully oblivious of the incoming troubles. It will be long time till she gets home from this distant region, the three travelers having again lost all their money and supplies.

* * *

On the lunch break Rukia dragged Akane to the P.E. equipment shed, away from the unwanted eyes and ears.

Akane looked at her and gulped, feeling suddenly anxious. For the look on Rukia's face wasn't a pleasant one.

"As much as I hate to admit it, I lost all my Shinigami powers," Rukia said grimly. "So you shall act in my stead while I recover in this gigai. I thusly name you substitute Shinigami for Nerima district." She scowled at Akane's joyful reaction and Akane wilted back.

"I didn't do too bad, did I?" she asked tentatively.

"Frankly," Rukia said, "You did horrible. Any Shinigami rookie would get kicked out of the Academy for such performance." Akane drooped. "It's only your incredible resilience that allowed you to prevail. You call yourself a martial artist. Have you ever worked with a sword before?"

Akane looked up at her, surprised. "Well... Dad never agreed to teach me any sword forms. I learned what I could myself... Mostly from fighting Kuno. I can hold against him... I think. I'm not sure he doesn't hold back against me."

"I see," Rukia said, displeased. "Was your father so afraid of harming you that he didn't teach you anything really advanced?"

Akane sighed. "He was, I suppose. I wanted to believe it's because I wasn't ready yet, but now I feel more and more like I'm stuck. And there is nobody else to help me improve. Uncle Saotome refuses, Ranma is just insufferable... Shampoo would bee only glad if I never got stronger. And Ukyou is my rival, she won't help me on the general principle, although we get along well. For rivals, that is."

"So, you learned the basics of ki manipulation on your own, without any guidance?" Rukia asked, surprised. "I shall say..."

"No, I don't know any ki techniques," Akane corrected her ruefully.

"What...?" Rukia was shocked. "But you _do_ use your ki. And use it extensively, in a completely wrong way!"

Akane just boggled silently.

Rukia sighed. "So you have learned to channel ki without even noticing it. It will be extremely hard to re-learn it properly, but re-learn it you must. Because you rely on the worst kind of Ki possible: the battle aura fueled with anger. It works, giving you speed and strength at least, but it is, in essence, the spirit of rage. Destructive, murky and eroding your control. It naturally evolves into the berserker rage. A total opposite of what a shinigami, or a schooled martial artist, needs."

Akane felt the ground being yanked from under her feet. "But what should I do?"

"You need to relearn everything from the very beginning," Rukia said sternly. "But first and foremost, you need to seal your zanpakuto, or you won't be able to stay away from your body for long."

Her cell phone chose this moment to beep loudly. Rukia flipped it open. "A Hollow signal! We have to go!" She produced a... candy pack and held it out for Akane.

"Huh?" Akane stuttered incredulously.

"Take one, it's the soul candy, it expels your soul from the body. Hurry up!"

Akane eyed the candy pack skeptically, with the bunny head on top and all, but still popped one pill into her mouth, swallowing it. The effect was instantaneous. Akane stepped away from her body, unnerved at the sight of its unmoving form.

"Let's go!" Rukia said, turning to the door.

"Wait!" Akane stopped her. "What if somebody finds it?" What if the _perverts_ find it, she added mentally and shuddered.

"Do not worry," Rukia replied. "The artificial soul... Oh, wake up already!"

The body twitched, then sprang to its feet radiating an unhealthy cheerfulness. "At your service, pyon! What your orders will be, pyon?"

"What?" Akane stumbled backwards. The sight was more than just unnerving.

"Pretend to be Tendou Akane ," Rukia commanded. "Attend her classes. Go."

"Acknowledged, pyuon!" the body exclaimed and ran away with a spring in her step.

"Hurry up!" Rukia told the stupefied Akane, running out of the shed. "The Hollow may be killing somebody this same moment!"

"Right!" exclaimed Akane, her determination igniting. "Let's stop it!" She ran after Rukia out of the shed, pulling the claymore from her back and finding it... wrapped in ribbon? She shook the weapon, the ribbon unravelled and disappeared.

* * *

"Hey, are you all right?" Ukyou asked seeing Akane running by.

"I'm fine, pyon!" was the cheerful — too cheerful — reply. "I'm Tendou Akane, pleased to meet you, pyon!" She ran away, searching for Akane's class.

"Now that was just creepy!" Ukyou shuddered. "I know only one thing for sure: that was _not_ the Akane I know." She glanced around and just shook her head noticing the not-Akane chatting animatedly with some boys. "I hope she knows what she is getting into, these snobby ghost-busters can be a pain in the ass."

Ukyou glanced around, scanning her surroundings, and noticed something near the far end of the school yard. "Rukia...? And..." She rubbed her eyes. "Well, I'll be damned!" She abandoned her grill with the half-cooked okonomiyaki on it and ran towards the corner where she saw the blurry and transparent but still undeniable Akane jump over the wall.

* * *

Shampoo sped on her bicycle, delivering ramen, when she saw an unfamiliar girl run in the opposite direction, followed by a barely discernible blur that looked like... "Sishen!" she exclaimed in awe, braking with a screech of tires at the sight of the living legend. "Shampoo must follow and watch, tell great-grandmother! Maybe even help beat Wu!" She turned around sharply and sped after the couple, not noticing Ukyou roof-hopping on a parallel course.

* * *

Cologne, meanwhile, just sat in the Nekohanten's main hall, puzzled beyond measure by what her ki-senses told her. "A disturbance in the Force I feel", she mumbled finally, then laughed softly: "I watch too much TV shows for my old age!"

* * *

At last they arrived at the park where the Hollow was detected. An oversized baboon was taking its time, chasing around a small ghost boy, and Akane growled, her battle aura licking around her like tongues of crimson flame.

"Calm down!" Rukia ordered. "Concentrate, don't let it distract you! And go straight for the mask!"

"Yes, Sensei!" Akane said, trying hard to comply. It was not easy, the abomination was just sickening, how it was practically salivating for the kid. It had to be exterminated _now_.

Akane rushed forward, the ice claymore gripped in her hands tightly. Too bad you cannot beat the Hollow with your bare hands - she somehow knew it, it was like a gut feeling. So what if her primary unarmed skills were useless? She wouldn't back off even if she did have to use this stupid chunk of ice! Why, just why wasn't her zanpakuto a normal katana, but this awkward gaijin thing - too long, too straight, with all too unfamiliar balance and grip?

Ukyou and Shampoo arrived at the same moment, almost bumping into each other.

"Now that's an unexpected turn," Ukyou noted seeing what Akane was doing.

"Slow down!" Rukia yelled, the only clearly visible participant of the action. "It's trying to lead you away from the boy! Protect him!"

"Who short girl is? Why yell at Sishen? And what boy?" Shampoo asked, confused.

Ukyou turned to her. "It's our new classmate, Kuchiki Rukia. The boy is that ghost there, he's somewhere around, I didn't see him clearly.

Rukia groaned, palming her face. "Akane, vary your strikes just a little! And calm down, it's goading you!"

A loud impact later the newborn Shinigami zipped over their heads slamming into a tree.

"I can't believe it!" Rukia exclaimed in exasperation. "That is the _weakest_ Hollow I ever saw...! Akane, are you all right?

Akane answered by jumping back to her feet, wiping the blood from her lips and rushing the Hollow again with a mighty roar.

"Why Rukia call Sishen Akane?" Shampoo asked, utterly surprized.

"Because it _is_ Akane," Ukyou replied with a sigh. "You probably can't see her clearly, but you could have figured that from her fighting style... Honestly!"

Akane zipped over their heads again, hitting another tree this time.

"Akane die and become Sishen?" Shampoo asked incredulously. "Then Shampoo see why can not beat Wu!" She pulled out her maces, getting ready to pounce. "No matter! Shampo beat Wu, show amazon warrior supremity!" After a brief pause she cast a menacing glance towards Ukyou, adding: "So glad, Akane gone now, less obstacles to take Ranma!"

Ukyou snorted. "Sorry to disappoint you, but I just saw Akane's body alive and kicking. Looked like it was possessed by some stupid spirit - probably a temporary resident that these guys have for events like this. And it's Shinigami, not 'sishen', speak proper Japanese."

"Oh." Shampoo looked disappointed. "No m... Doesn't matter," she corrected herself. "Shampoo is... will show who better warrior now!" She rushed the Hollow.

"Wait!" Ukyou cried, "If you can't see it clearly..."

"Aiyah!" yelped Shampoo, zipping over her head to crash against the same tree as Akane.

Akane pulled herself to her feet and stood wobbly, wiping the blood from her face and spitting out a tooth. "I fight on!" she growled, lifting her blade.

Ukyou saw Rukia trying to cast some sort of spell and failing, the resulting ball of fire leaving the Hollow confused for a moment. "Drats!" she said, fumbling hastily in her pockets. She quickly pulled out a vial of silvery liquid and a few ofuda. Pulling a number of throwing spatulas from her bandoleer, she splashed them with the liquid and slapped the ofuda on, wrapping each blade in a paper seal.

"What are you doing?" Rukia asked her.

Ukyou didn't answer, she clenched two spatulas in her left hand so that they stuck blades up like a letter V, placed one between them, ring on its handle pointing at her, and replaced the rest in her bandoleer. She pointed her left arm with the spatulas at the Hollow and put the index finger of her right hand through the ring on the end of the spatula handle, concentrating. "Quincy Art Revised..." She pulled her right arm backwards, the spatula trailing strings of blue fire connecting it to the two in her left hand. "...Kuonji Soul Sling!"

"No! Stop!" Rukia screamed. "You must not destroy it! The Quincy..."

"I'll wait for you, losers, to finish your job!" Ukyou replied angrily. "This here is only the last resort! And we will have a lo-ong talk about Quincy and stupidity. Both theirs and Shinigami." She kept her unusual sling aimed at the Hollow who was approaching now.

Shampoo finally came to her senses. "Wu strong," she admitted. "Shampoo distract, violent girl go for the kill. All right?" she asked the Shinigami.

"All right, Shampoo," the barely visible blur of Akane replied, readying her sword.

"And concentrate, concentrate damn it!" Rukia added. "Calm and control, not the berserker rage!"

Akane nodded. She and Shampoo rushed the Hollow, the Chinese Amazon feinting and forcing it to overextend, while Akane slashed at the mask. For once, she used her zanpakuto properly, and the result was impressive: she cut the whole Hollow in half, not just the mask. The abomination vanished without a sound.

"Thank gods." Ukyou breathed in relief, extinguishing her ki sling and putting the spatulas back in the bandoleer.

"What now, Sensei?" Akane asked, limping up to Rukia.

"Now you must perform the soul burial of that boy," she explained, looking around for the said boy and finding him hiding behind a tree. She went over to tell him how he would be better off in the Soul Society.

"Just great", Akane mumbled, examining her sword and finding it chipped and cracked in places. "Stupid chunk of... Huh?" She suddenly felt a burst of disappointment radiating from her blade.

Ukyou just shook her head. She was seeing Akane more clearly now, almost non-transparent. "The Shinigami swords are sentient beings with their own will and their own soul," she explained in a tone one reserves for small kids. "Didn't they tell you at least that?"

"What?!" Akane lifted her eyes at her. "How do you..." She glanced back at her sword, reddening in embarrassment, and tried to bow to it deeply while still holding it in bot her hands - the scene looked almost comical. "Uh... Please forgive me for my rudeness! I didn't... I mean..." She fell silent, unsure what to do. How do you communicate with a sentient sword?

"How violent girl accepted into the ranks of Si.. Shinigami is beyond Shampoo reason," the Amazon commented snobbishly.

"Probably got kidnapped or something," Ukyou replied sourly.

"Akane, come here!" Rukia called.

Akane limped up to her and the boy who looked a bit afraid of her rather bruised visage. Akane smiled at him nicely, the gap in her teeth and the shiner around her left eye included.

"Now touch his forehead with the pommel of your zanpakuto", Rukia commanded.

"Don't worry, everything will be all right," Akane said to the kid and did just that.

"Well, if you say so," he said with a doubt in his voice, vanishing.

Rukia turned to Akane, examining her intently. "Now for your performance..."

Yes?" Akane beamed, hoping against any reason that she did it right this time.

"It was terrible" Rukia exclaimed, throwing her arms up. "If not for the help of these two girls, you would be dead now! And the boy, and me too!"

Akane wilted. "Umm... Sensei, ain't I kind of dead now? I mean, what happens to a spirit..."

"Dead as in 'totally destroyed'," Rukia clarified. "Nothing left, true death, no reincarnation, finish." Akane paled. "What do you think the Hollows need the souls for? They _devour_ them! A spirit must die in the Soul Society to be able to reincarnate on Earth."

Shampoo and Ukyou exchanged glances.

Rukia just shook her head ruefully.

Akane brought her sword up to show her. "It... chipped. What should I do...? How do I apologize properly? I mean, Ukyou said it's alive..."

Rukia squinted at the sword. "The damage will heal with time. For the apologies... You'll have to face your sword in your inner world. I'm afraid, it will be hard to make it respect you and convince it be your partner now... It's clearly an ice-type zanpakuto, just like my Sode no Shirayuki. I'm not too sure, but it feels much more powerful than mine. Not in the raw power, mind you. Its spirit calls for a great finesse and precision, only a truly disciplined wielder can master it. Why you had _this_ one as a part of your soul is beyond my understanding. It calls for calm and cold control, while I saw you using only hot anger and barely controlled rage."

Akane wilted some more. "So... I will be unable to use... to bond with it?"

"Maybe you need to learn cold," the insufferable Amazon injected smugly. "Shampoo thinks Soul of Ice is just the thing."

"So, we have to train you, and train you _hard_," Rukia concluded.

Akane didn't find that prospect too comforting.

(o)(o) End of Chapter Two (o)(o)

* * *

Thanks for the C&C to:

— J. St.C. Patrick

— Travis Lock

— people who contributed using the Orphus system (5 bugs so far).

Last correction December 12, 2008


	3. The cards are laid upon the table

Note: This server's document input filters are becoming more and more restrictive, far surpassing the point of "ridiculous" and now approaching "paranoial". What is most sad, the filter just REMOVES the parts it doesn't like, leaving a mutilated text behind — imagine the dialogs with quotation marks cut out of them.

No, I understand, hosting a million or so Harry Potter fics (shudder) could drive anyone up the wall, but still... I had to write a whole additional converter routine for my story compiler software, just that its output wouldn't be emasculated upon posting it here. Imagine how hard it is for the normal authors who aren't programmers like me.

You'd better read this story from my home page where I keep it with full formatting intact (see the link in my profile).

* * *

**An Unsuitable Person**

_by Cheb_

* * *

DISCLAIMER: The characters and settings here do not belong to me, they are created by the true masters, Rumiko Takahashi and Tite Kubo. This story is exclusively for non-commercial use.

HONORIFICS: Hiba-chan equals granny. It's how Shampoo addresses Cologne. Baa-san is similar, but more respectful. It's how Akane addresses Cologne. Onii-san equals big brother. It's a standard kid's addressing for the younger adults.

* * *

BUGS:

1. There was a huge, truck-sized plot hole in the original Bleach manga: obviously Tite Kubo-sensei didn't plan it far ahead at the start, so the later development conflicted with the earlier scenes (I mean Ichigo's dad, for those of you who knows). It was corrected in the latest anime " but guess, what? I have copied it exactly, in all its ugly glory. I feel utterly ashamed of myself... I patched the Ch.1 with this release, Souun has been removed from the picture.

2. I had Akane use a mallet in the Ch.1, which is an ugly fanon. She beats either with her fists or with the nearest handy blunt object (a vase, a chair, a wooden sandal, et cetera). Corrected.

* * *

A/N: About the kendo match (manga v21 ch 10). Akane fought Kuno seriously only for two short moments, and both times he was driving her back. Kuno is better than her with a sword. Besides, her main problem isn't any lack of skill, it's other things that... impair her.

A/N#2: The Tendous aren't just a family. They are a "house" as the noble clans are called in Japan. This was deliberately dropped in the translation - alas, I can't say more than that. I keep promising myself to purchase the manga in original Japanese, but that promise is yet to be fulfilled.

**Chapter 3.**

_(Where nothing prominent happens but the cards are laid upon the table.)_

* * *

"Well, it's time to go," Rukia said, inconspicuously approaching Shampoo and Ukyou and bringing out what looked like a lighter.

**Poof!** Colored smoke rushed in all directions, a goofy duck head bobbing on a long spring. "Now..."

"Nnng..." Ukyou closed her eyes, forming the 'power' hand seal, her index fingers up. "Kai!" Her eyes opened in defiance.

Shampoo just shook her head from side to side, blinking several times and sneezing. "Hmph! Even Shampoo can do stronger potions!"

"You won't get off that easily," Ukyou added, crossing her arms.

Rukia's head slumped. "Now I'm in the even deeper trouble."

"What was that?" Akane asked, confused.

"She tried to brainwash us, and make us forget everything," Ukyou explained nonchalantly.

"Did not work," Shampoo added with a huff.

"Ah," Akane exclaimed, understanding dawning on her. "It's how my family forgot the attack yesterday!"

"What attack?" asked Shampoo.

"Um..." Akane looked downcast. "You see, I had just returned home, when...."

"Excuse me, ladies," Rukia interrupted them, "But there is one important thing we must attend first," she said, looking at Akane's ice claymore. "Having your zanpakuto in the Shikai form without proper training can inflict grievous harm on your spirit." She turned to Ukyou. "Don't get involved in this matter, please! Is there a way to dissuade you?"

"Nope," Ukyou refused adamantly.

"Is no," Shampoo added in the exact same tone.

"Please understand," Rukia continued, "This fight is not meant for mortals. The dangers are beyond your imagination!"

"Oh, please," Ukyou snorted. "I fought these things when I was _nine_!"

"The more danger," Shampoo added, "the more is that airen follow tomboy. If she not die before he come back."

Akane bristled.

"That's right," Ukyou agreed. "Ran-chan has such a big heart. He'll surely join his uncute fiancee in her fight. And that means that I, the _cute_ fiancee, must be there as well!"

Akane ignited. "Excuse me...!" she began, but fell silent, hearing a very ominous 'plip, plop...' from her zanpakuto. She slowly turned her eyes downward. The sword was thawing. She emitted a startled, panicky "Ack!" sh her battle aura guttering out instantly. The ice claymore fell from her suddenly awkward hands, plunging tip-first into the ground and barely missing her toe.

"We can't loiter any more," Rukia said, resigned. "Especially with you blazing your spiritual power like that. Come." She turned and hastily took off in a particular direction. The two material girls and the spirit-in-training one shrugged but followed her.

* * *

Ryouga was utterly lost: he somehow managed to fall behind Mousse and Ranma on their walk to the train line. Ryouga was utterly depressed: now he won't be able to meet Akane as a man, despite all the troubles. He should have stayed a pig forever and died quietly under some bush. Or got eaten — the exact details didn't matter. At least his fragile heart of glass would be at peace then.

He stumbled over something, returning to the harsh, cold reality. There was a backwater village around him, and in the middle of the dirt road lay the bird cage he stumbled upon.

"Ouch," said the parrot inside the now dented cage, flopping to its feet and ruffling its feathers.

"Sorry," Ryouga said to the little fellow and bent down to right the cage. "Why would they put a parrot in the middle of a road? Do they want someone to run you down?"

"Don't touch it!!" the shrill yell rang in his ears. Ryouga turned around. Behind him was an old toothless farmer in a shapeless hat and thick glasses. "Young man! This bird is cursed, I tell you!"

"So am I," Ryouga replied solemnly, lifting the cage at his eye level. "So am I."

"You don't understand!" the old man was on the verge of having a fit, spit flying everywhere. "All of its owners died an untimely death! Every last one of them!"

"That would be a blessing," Ryouga said ruefully, then shook his head. "No. Somehow I feel I cannot be so lucky. Come," he tucked the cage under his arm and turned to go.

* * *

"Hey, it's the stripe-hat man shop!" Shampoo exclaimed in surprise when they approached their destination.

"Hmm?" Ukyou looked at the said building with some suspicion. "Do you know him? This place uh... smells funny."

"Of course. Hiba-chan buys some rare stuff from him."

Ukyou quirked her brow. "What sort of stuff?"

"Herbs," Shampoo shrugged. "Ingredients. For potions, ramen spicing, special shampoo... many things."

At the doors, a spike-haired boy was bossing around a quiet girl armed with a broom, a few strands of her shiny black hair hanging over her face.

"Can I see the owner?" Rukia asked him.

"No. He's busy," the boy replied, and went on torturing his unresponsive victim.

"It's an emergency!" Rukia added. "The situation may be dire."

"O'key, o'key!" the boy grumbled and went inside.

Soon a tall man appeared, clad in wooden sandals, striped hat and yukata. He had a short, disheveled blond hair and a light stubble. There were deep shadows around his eyes under the wide brim of his hat.

"Nihao!" Shampoo greeted him merrily.

"Hello there, Shampoo," he lifted his hat a bit, looking around at the assembled group. "What an interesting turn of events, indeed. Even our young okonomiyaki genius is here." Ukyou blushed slightly. "And the heir to the Tendou dojo, as I see..."

"I apologize for intruding," Rukia said, "but she needs her Shikai sealed before it's too late."

"I see," the man said. "Why don't we take this talk inside?"

* * *

Somewhere else, atop a gently sloped roof, sat one small but powerful being. It sat in a deep meditation, moving like a diver in the spiritual dimension - the dimension only scant few knew of and none of those could say they dared to dive into it. Well, this being wasn't human anymore, so it could bend some rules...

The physical world was still around, but blurred out and washed into ghostly shades of gray. The black sunlight pressed at the world like a tangible all-penetrating force, only the living plants provided any protection from it, creating the backwater pools of calm. The trees and grass were glowing a deep violet with a slight pine tang. The people's emotions flowed upwards from the streets like ethereal puffs of colored mist. The kids playing down on the street shone pure white, spiking sometimes with the needles of black. The female undergarments hanging on the other side of the street shone brightly, with their peculiar warm, sweet and pink not-color. The being resisted temptation. Not yet. It rose it's head sharply, feeling something odd. There. A light distortion in the distance, like a heat haze. And a hint of a too-familiar smell... The being concentrated, carefully pushing itself deeper. Better not overdo, we don't want to phase all the way down to Hueco Mundo like that time, don't we...?

The world had gone completely gray, but the disturbance over the distant rooftops was more distinct now. It was already dissipating, dissolving against the night-black sky. The event transpired a sizable time ago, but there could be no mistake: a low-level Hollow was dispelled in a way only Shinigami were able to. Not an entirely rare occurrence, but this time it felt also like something... or somebody very familiar. Looked like things were getting interesting, at last! But later. Its energy reserves depleted by the long dive, the being hastily resurfaced back to where the sky was blue, the grass was green... and the recharge kit awaited it.

"Sweeto!"

* * *

The girls, Urahara, and his mighty, mustached assistant were comfortably seated around the table, Akane's zanpakuto already sealed into an ordinary-looking katana with a seemingly simple short spell.

"And so, these two got involved, and then just refused to go," Rukia concluded. "Making Akane a Shinigami, while a serious violation, was justified by circumstances. But letting these two stubborn girls get involved was not. Making the existence of Shinigami known to mortals..."

"Oh, then I presume, you didn't meet Ranma yet?" Urahara interrupted her.

"Ranma? Who is she?" Rukia asked, losing her line of thought.

"He, although you can as well say she," Urahara explained, "is the local celebrity, a young, talented and obnoxious star of the martial arts world. Well, you have already met his fiancee squad." He took a pointed look at the girls.

The latter reacted passionately and simultaneously:

"Shampoo no fiancee! Is already wife by Amazon law!"

"Ran-chan should me mine! I'm his only rightful, cute fiancee!"

"I... we... It was our parent's idea!"

"He has three fiancees?!" Rukia exclaimed. Well, her shock was understandable, but still blurting the words like that can cost you in these parts.

"Is airen! Only me..."

"...Nobody but me is fit for Ran-chan's..."

"...Hmph! See if I care!"

"Uh..." Rukia was taken aback by the storm she brewed.

"Careful," Urahara warned her. "You don't know what you are involving yourself with."

"Anyway," Rukia coughed, and continued in her best serious tone, spoiled as always, by her being a tiny woman, sounding cute instead of harsh. "Akane is trained as a berserk..."

"I am not!" Akane protested reflexively.

"Yes, you are." Rukia pinned her with a harsh glare. "So, in order for her to survive what is to come, she must re-learn her Ki-control, which is anger-based now. She needs to keep her control and keep her calm. Especially as her zanpakuto is an ice-type blade."

"Hmm..." Urahara began "Not an easy task, but perhaps..."

"I think I know what to do," Cologne's voice interrupted from behind.

Everybody present, _including_ Urahara, jumped in surprise.

"Ah, Kohlong-chan!" the shop owner exclaimed jovially. "Still sharp as ever, and still able to sneak up on me!"

The quiet, weird-haired girl's head poked from behind the door frame. "It's all right, Ururu," Urahara calmed her. "Don't worry." Ururu's head nodded silently, then disappeared.

"Don't make the old woman blush," Cologne admonished him, laughing. Then turned to Akane. "So, the Tendou heir bit off more than she can chew, didn't she?"

Akane just fumed silently.

"Don't be afraid, my child," Cologne continued a tad too cheerfully. "I know just the right thing to fix your issues!"

* * *

Elsewhere, the chilling mists cling to the mountains covered with a dense, almost primeval forest where moss covers both the immensely tall trees and the sodden ground. Two grumpy guys trudge resignedly through this inhospitable terrain where only the innumerable mosquitoes feel lively.

"Remind me again," Ranma grumbles, "why did we even think of giving him all our money to keep?"

Mousse shrugs indifferently, straightening his glasses, which he has on, for a change.

"Yeah, right," Ranma says. "The last time it was you, and we had to work part time just so we could go on."

Mousse doesn't reply, still trying to find some tracks of Ryouga — who would think he's also a certified tracker and trapper of his village?

"Why didn't you trust _me_ with the money?" Ranma asks at last, his irritation going in circles.

Mousse shrugs again, uncomfortably this time, and avoids his gaze.

"Oh, yeah! You two goons were afraid I'd just dump you." Ranma snorts in contempt. "And that's after I saved you sorry hides! Twice!"

While they aren't watching, the rain clouds close rapidly and it starts to pour - a typical, quite frequent occurrence among northern Japan, Hokkaido, Sakhalin and the Kuril archipelago, where travelers cannot survive without the modern waterproof clothing or a traditional heavy-duty umbrella like the one Ryouga uses.

"Just great," the cold, thoroughly soaked girl grumbles, picking the sodden heap of clothes from the dirt and trying to wring it somehow. "What now?"

The duck gives a dignified quack.

"That's it!" onna-Ranma throws the robes back onto the dirt. "Screw him! Let's stop here to dry, then go straight home! I don't care if I have to ride on top of the train all the way!"

* * *

"But hiba-chan, how could you do this! She outsider! She obstacle!" Shampoo was beside herself after Cologne announced her intention to train Akane in the advanced techniques of their tribe.

"Oh, you're afraid of her getting stronger now, Shampoo?" her shriveled relative retaliated, pogoing toward the storage closet. "Now, where did I put that harness..."

Shampoo bristled. "Sham... I not afraid of anything!"

Cologne smirked while her grand-granddaughter could not see. "Well, you can start now," she said. "If I'm any judge of character, Akane will get better soon. Much better." Ha, this will surely wake you up, she thought.

"But hiba-chan! I see the need to train Akane: if she dies, I lose airen to her forever, that's right. But why didn't you teach _me_ these techniques?"

"Why her but not you?" Cologne replied, digging through the shelves. "Aha, there it is." She pulled out a box, putting it aside. "And when did you ask me to?"

"Umm... I did not?"

"That's right," Cologne said flatly. "You've never shown any motivation to learn these techniques."

"But I learned the Chestnut Fist, yes?"

"That was how long ago?" Cologne pulled down another box. "Pack this, this and this one... Learn it you did, true. Bud did you master it?"

"Well..." Shampoo fidgeted uncomfortably, then bent down and started packing the boxes.

Cologne didn't want to hurt her beloved grand-granddaughter's feelings, hoping beyond any reason that she would use her head as intended, instead of smashing the walls with it, and figure it all out by herself — but there was no stalling the truth forever. Their time ran out.

"Face it, Shampoo. Since you've reached the position of the best in your generation among your tribe, you grew complacent, thus stunting your skill growth."

The young one stood up sharply. "Shampoo ain't..." She gave an unhappy sigh. "You're right, granny. This year I learned many good and useful skills, but none of them were warrior's."

"So you admit it at last." Cologne nodded sagely. "Now, what do you plan to do?"

"Hiba-chan, I'll..." She abruptly put the box down, turned to Cologne and said, bowing deeply: "Honored Elder, this one humbly asks you to teach her the secrets of your Art of battle."

"I accept," Cologne replied with dignity. "Now, finish packing this and gather your own things. We are leaving as soon as possible. I need to visit the House Tendou yet."

* * *

They didn't have the luxury of leaving the city: there was no one beside Akane to protect it from the evil spirits now. Still, the Japanese cities are like that: they fill the rare plains of this mountainous terrain, flowing around the steep hills and other ungainly terrain like water. Of course, Tokyo takes the biggest flatland of the entire archipelago, but Nerima is at its edge and isn't overly populated.

They hadn't had to go too far to get onto an outcropping of wilderness and set their camp without extra witnesses around.

"Baa-san," Akane asked nervously, eying the vanilla envelope Cologne purchased from Nabiki before they left. "What is it?"

"That," Cologne replied with the evil glint in her eye, "would be our training tools".

Akane shuddered, remembering the brutal training Ranma had undergone that involved photographs. No, it cannot be, she tried to reassure herself.

"And now," Cologne announced solemnly, "your training begins. At the end of this week you'll be well versed in the... Soul of Ice!"

Akane felt the ice right away. The one crawling along her spine, that's it.

(o)(o) End of Chapter 3 (o)(o)

* * *

Thanks for C&C to:

— lwf58

— borgrabbit

— Ahye

— people who contributed using the Orphus system (2 bugs so far).

Last correction December 12, 2008


	4. Only the youkai baba has any fun

Note: This server's document input filters are becoming more and more restrictive, far surpassing the point of "ridiculous" and now approaching "paranoial". The last invention - stripping the standard quotation marks from new chapters. Luckily, the plain quotation marks aren't affected... Yet. I wonder when they, as well as commas and m-dashes will have their turn...? For now, enjoy reading this with incorrect quotation marks.

You'd better read this story from my home page where I keep it with full formatting intact (see the link in my profile).

* * *

**An Unsuitable Person**

_by Cheb_

* * *

DISCLAIMER: The characters and settings here do not belong to me, they are created by the true masters, Rumiko Takahashi and Tite Kubo. This story is exclusively for non-commercial use. 

**Chapter 4**

_(Where only the "youkai-baba" has any fun.)_

* * *

"It's hot! It hurts! Ouch! Onii-san, stop it!" hollered the parrot.

Ryouga stumbled back, dropping kettle in shock. "But... Why didn't you turn back into human? Don't you have a Jusenkyou curse?"

The parrot shook itself vigorously, which made him look like a dead hedgehog instead of a drowned rat. "Jusenkyou? What is that?"

Ryouga bowed before the bird in shame: "Forgive me, I acted without thinking... But who turned you into a parrot then?"

"One evil monster did it," parrot drooped, then perked up again. "But he promised to return my mom if I could run from him for three months straight!"

Something stirred in Ryouga's heart. Could it be that his family curse, the awful sense of direction, has a higher predestination?

"Don't worry, kid," Ryouga smiled. "With me, he'll never have a chance to catch up with you!'"

* * *

"Begin!," Cologne commanded, and the three girls standing in a circle ran, spiraling toward the center. Akane wore a strange harness over her gi, consisting of metallic pads at the shoulders, knees and elbows connected with flexible metallic ties.

"I wonder, what is the meaning of this spiral?" asked Rukia who watched the scene with great interest.

Girls reached the center and simultaneously threw their fists up, almost touching. Then they turned towards Cologne.

"Good," she approved. "Now repeat a couple more times, then we'll begin for real." She turned to Rukia. "This is a modified training for a secret technique of our tribe..." She glanced at the girls who were finishing their second run now. "Formerly secret. It works by forcing or tricking your opponent to emitting a hot aura, while you stay cold. Then you lead your opponent in a spiral, creating many tight loops of intertwined hot and cold ki. A finishing twisted uppercut creates a tornado blowing your opponent away.

"So, the main point of this training is staying calm?" Rukia said with understanding. "Byt why free for all then? Wouldn't it be better if both Ukyou and Xianpu attacked Akane?

"You see," Cologne smiled, "these girls are rivals for Ranma's heart. Putting them in equal conditions, forced to compete each against two others, will lead to much more heated dispute than if it were just these two attacking Akane. This training must be harsh, pushing them to their limits, else it will be of no use. Moreover, an incomplete, loose spiral will create a weakened tornado, so we could repeat as many times as we need without worrying about injures.

"What a devious and effective plan," admired Rukia. "You are a true teacher! But I wonder, what purpose serves this harness on Akane?"

"You'll see soon," replied Cologne, turning to the girls who finished their adjusting runs and stood now at ready, in a circle again. "Now for real! The one who masters Soul of Ice will win a favor in Ranma's heart! He won't even look at the losers! He doesn't need a wife that can't even fight!"

The three girl's eyes lit up and they ran their spiral with much more energy than before, exchanging barbs and invectives. They didn't even reach halfway towards the center when a battle aura flared in the whirligig of girls, then came a clanking sound, a shriek, and Akane slid out, hog-tied with her harness. Shampoo and Ukyou stopped, watching with a smirks at her wriggling in the dirt.

"Wonderful!" exclaimed Rukia. "There could be no better way to teach to restrain one's hot temper! Do you follow me, Akane? You must be happy you got the best teacher and best equipment imaginable!"

Akane spat the dirt out and confirmed that indeed, she was so-o happy...

* * *

Ryouga grunted, his legs buckling a bit, hit by yet another telephone pole in the back of his head.

"Onii-san!" exclaimed the distraught parrot.

"Don't worry, Yuichi-kun," Ryouga assured him, smiling, throwing off the broken concrete pole and shaking his head of the dust. "It doesn't hurt a bit."

That was a lie: it hurt a lot, the collection of lumps was groving impressive. But why worry the kid?

"What is wrong with this town? Where am I now...?" Ryouga mused aloud, striding forward. "The construction quality here is awful, everything is just falling apart. What are they thinking? Somebody could get hurt!"

The parrot shuffled with a guilty look but still didn't say something he should have.

* * *

At sunset the three rivals were totally worn out, although Shampoo fared a bit better. Akane was also covered with dirt, scratches and bruises and hurt from her head to toes. The memory metall harness heard no excuses.

The achievements were unimpressive: Ukyou managed couple times to summon a weak whirlwind, and Shampoo did it once. After two hours of bickering the girls lost all the gloss of civilization and one could hear from their whirligig such pearls of politeness as "dumb tomboy", "homeless ronin" or "illiterate gaijin". But then even that stopped working and Cologne reluctantly opened the manila envelope, with a nasty smirk pulling out something Akane was afraid of more than anything: the compromising photos.

Ukyou and Shampoo laughed at first, thinking that it was only Akane's lot to wriggle in shame. But they were wrong. Soon Ukyou made a point to remember not to underestimate Nabiki even if the camera is nowhere to be seen and Nabiki herself wears form-fitting clothes with no pockets. Shampoo, on her part, swore silently to play a nasty trick or two on the "mercenary girl". People simply seeing her naked wouldn't be a big deal. But that pose, that point of view called for ripping someone's arms off, no less. The insolence! Well, airen wouldn't approve the ripping hands off part, he is too-too nice. But there would be other ways. Shampoo can slip some stuff in her food. With those particular mushrooms...

"Tomorrow, six 'o clock, here!" Cologne ordered, storing away the — sadly — still thick envelope. Shampoo bowed in silence and went away following her great-grandmother like a perfect — albeit sweaty and disheveled — warrior.

"See you tomorrow, Akane-chan," said Ukyou, waving her goodbye. She shouldered her spatula and tiredly trudged away.

"I'll never master this technique," Akane muttered with resignation, slumping to the ground and beginning to unfasten the harness. "Even Ukyou makes better progress than me."

"Don't get so dispirited", Rukia told her. "Were you bound in the last hour? Not a single time! You see, you are making a visible progress!

"Really?" Akane perked up. "Thinking of it, I hadn't slipped for a whole hour!" She beamed sincerely. "Just you wait! No matter how hard it is, I will master this technique!"

"On the other hand," Rukia grumbled under her breath, "she was so worn out she just had no energy left to flare her battle aura."

* * *

Sun is gone and the reddish sunset sky fades now, slowly giving way to the night. Bathed in the receding orange light, a girl and a duck are embedded firmly in the cracked concrete rim of a rapid train tunnel. Judging by their poses, they were just jumping off the train roof.

"Quack."

"Don't. Just don't."

"Aho, Aho-o" caws a crow reproachfully, flying high overhead. They slid from the battered wall, plopping beside the rails like sacks.

"Qua-ack."

"Ok, I misjudged a bit, are you glad now? And why didn't you flap away yourself? You're a bird, aren't you?"

The duck turns away with a great dignity.

"Aha, yeah. Of course. Glasses are for carrying them in your backpack, ain't they?" Ranma replies acidly, trying to get up. "Owww. I'd better lie down for a while..."

* * *

The next morning Akane woke up still sore but never the less full of energy, itching to continue her training. Ukyou, who hadn't enough sleep, didn't shine with enthusiasm at all, but Shampoo, such a parasite, was fresh and prime to the point of perfection — although only she knew how much that had cost her.

A hour passed in training. Akane got hog-tied with harness a couple times, Ukyou gained some reverence for Nabiki's unnatural ability to happen in the wrong place in the wrong time. Shampoo, on her part, have invented a couple more methods of non-lethal but very nasty revenge.

During that hour Rukia was distracted a few times by beeping from her cell phone, but she didn't say anything, just frowned more and more looking at the screen. After the next beeping she grudgingly called a stop to the training. "Akane, ladies, we have a problem. A Hollow appeared in Nerima, but they just cannot get a lock on it. It seemingly appears in random places across the town. So, we have to search for it. And I think, we should split up.

"Each go alone?" Shampoo interrupted her.

"No," Rukia replied flatly. "We all are too weak now, it would be an unnecessary risk. We'll split into two pairs, one is me and Akane the other are you and Ukyou."

"Why in such order?" asked Ukyou.

"You two complement each other's abilities well. Xianpu is now the best of us in hand-to-hand, she is able to delay a Hollow by forcing it to fight her. You could provide excellent support for her with your Quincy techniques. Could I be sure you won't kill the Hollow but just cripple it?"

"As you wish," agreed Ukyou. "But then you guys pay for supplies. Everything I use is based on silver and that ain't cheap."

"Agreed," Rukia said grudgingly. Then handed Ukyou a pencil-sized paper cylinder with a small string attached. "Take this"

"What is it?"

"A signal flare. Hold it this side up, pull the string sharply. It'll make a high column of smoke and a loud bang. We'll see it and come to finishing the business. Just hold it away from your eyes."

"Well, then how will you call _us_ if you find it first?" Ukyou asked with suspicion.

"I had only one flare. I hope there will be no need. Akane should be able to hold her own, but should we need your help you'll have to follow the signs of battle. Now the zones. The Hollow appears roughly in a circle centered around the Furinkan school. We take the half of that circle closer to the dojo, you two the farther one. Any questions?"

"How strong is it, compared to the one yesterday?" Ukyou asked, all business.

"Hard to say, it disappeared too quickly for the tracking systems to identify it. But it could be a bit stronger. So, be careful: the Hollows are known to use all sorts of dangerous tricks. The flare first thing.

"Don't tell me that," Ukyou waved her away grimly. "I saw enough dangerous tricks to last for a lifetime of nightmares. We'll taunt it from a safe distance, engage it only if it attacks somebody. Right, Shampoo?"

Shampoo wanted to show her pride, to say that she'll never run from nobody... But great-grandmother had thoroughly grinded her yesterday, explaining her the facts of life. So the proud amazon just nodded sourly.

"Good, let's go," Ukyou said, leading her away.

"Hmm... Shouldn't I go and open Neko-hanten?" Cologne mused theatrically. "With these training trips running out of business could happen much too easily." And she hopped away on her gnarled staff.

"Come on, take it," Rukia handed Akane the familiar pack of "Soul candy".

Akane took a pill, hesitated for a moment, then swallowed it. A familiar sensation — not unlike electric shock — and here she is, looking at her body from outside. The body soon flexed onto its feet, then jumped up and down a bit.

"Pretend to be Akane Tendou, attend her classes," Rukia ordered as usual. "And don't forget to visit her home for her uniform and bag."

The body blinked a couple times as if not comprehending, then a grin bloomed on its face: "Ryoukai!" It ran away with a spring in its step.

"Each time I'm beside myself in worry," Akane complained. "What if it do something wrong? What if it get hit with a bus?

"Don't worry, the artifical souls are very dependable," Rukia assured her. "They were specifically created with protection of the body in mind."

The Akane's body, meanwhile, made sure that its mistress is out of sight and instantly gained in speed, flying over the rooftops with twenty-meter jumps and somersaults. Its eyes glinted deviously.

* * *

Ryouga trudged through an endless town that looked painfully similar to Nerima but just couldn't be it: the construction quality here was the lowest. Telephone poles, shop signs, roof edges, even the fences — everything was falling. Ryouga was surprised that there is still stays something. But he already got used to it, the falling debris didn't even interrupt his brooding.

"Watch out! A panicked woman's voice reached him from behind. He turned around, saw a tiny girl running at him full tilt... and caught another telephone pole, this time with his forehead. Still, a difference. Plus, there was no more room on the back of his head for any new lumps.

Rukia came to abrupt stop. Akane barely avoided slamming into her from behind. The hulk of Hollow loomed between them and Ryouga who was currently dusting his head off.

"Ryouga-kun, watch outl!" Akane screamed, unsheathing her sword and taking a basic kendo stance.

"It's no use," Rukia said quietly. "He is unable to see or hear you, as well as the Hollow. But how your friend managed to survive the hit with a concrete pole?"

"That's my line!" injected the pissed off Hollow. "What sort of joke is this? I drop telephone poles at this human, but he just shrugs them off! He is mocking me! That's it! I'm tired of this game!" The four-meter high beast swung his huge fist at Ryouga... and jerked it back with a hiss: It was unknown how Ryouga managed to sense the attack or when he managed to pull his umbrella out, but the fact was that Ryouga stood holding his umbrella aloft like a rapier and hollow backed away from him, shaking his stubbed hand.

"Just you wait!" the monster roared. "I'll yet find a way to finish you off!"

"Lady," Ryouga looked at Rukia who stood at the line connecting him and the Hollow. "I don't know what you have against me..."

Rukia couldn't see him behind the hulk but she felt the situation slipping toward a fatal misunderstanding. She decided to stake everything on the truth. Well, a half-truth.

"Run! There is a huge monster between us! You cannot see nor hear it, you cannot fight it!"

"Uh... I don't think Ryouga-kun would run," Akane said quietly, holding her eyes on the Hollow and circling around it to the left, to move from the line connecting Ryouga and monster.

"Let him run!" the Hollow laughed. "I can track him anywhere, all thanks to this parrot. Ain't that nice, Yuichi-kun?" he added mockingly, addressing the caged bird.

"What the parrot has to do with this all?" exclaimed Rukia. "Ryouga-san, I don't know why you need that bird, but this monster follows you using it!

"You little bitch!" roared the Hollow. "For that, I will eat you slowly, piece by piece! Flap your mouth once more - and even your pet Shinigami won't save you!

"A monster... Follows the parrot..." Ryouga narrowed his eyes, lifted the cage, and looked at the downcast bird without breaking his stance. "Shibata Yuichi-kun, is this that one?" Then it dawned on him. "Why didn't you say anything? It was he who dropped all these poles on us, wasn't he?"

"Shibata Yuichi..." Rukia whispered in shock. Then she moved to the right and looked at the parrot intently... "Wait! There's a human soul in this bird!"

"What?!" Akane gasped, switching all her attention to Ryouga and parrot, to Rukia's dismay.

"True," Ryouga confirmed, holding the cage in his left hand behind him, the right hand with umbrella held forward. "This monster turned the kid into a parrot and promised to return his mom to him if he managed to run away for three months straight. I don't know what sort of a sick bastard this..." He fell silent and tensed, noticing the small clouds of dust on the ground.

"Akane, halt!" Rukia barked, stopping the hot-headed girl in her tracks. "Calm down immediately!"

"Akane-san is here?" Ryouga tensed, scanning from side to side as far as his stance allowed him to turn his head.

Rukia winced, palming her face. What an unforgivable blunder! "I'll explain later!" she called to him. "Don't move! We'll deal with it!"

The Hollow snickered loudly, slapping his huge hand on the ground: "That's hilarious! Deal with me, you!" He turned to Akane. "Just for your knowing, I already ate two shinigami like you! Yo'll be third, little girl...! Com'on, wave your knife, amuse me!"

Akane grit her teeth, let out a hissing breath — and started for the Hollow slowly and carefully, without breaking her stance. He snorted derisively. Akane suddenly rushed forward, demonstrating a pretty good speed. She parried one strike, ducked under another one, and the arrogant monster lost his left arm below the elbow in a blink of an eye.

"Why then had she said she doesn't know any sword forms?" Rukia asked nobody in particular, stupefied.

Alas, Akane's luck did not last long. She overextended herself with her next strike and the Hollow, hastened by the pain, slammed her full force with his enormous right fist. Trailing dust cloud, she tumbled across the street and slammed into the concrete fence, badly denting it.

"Akane!" Rukia cried out in alarm.

"Akane-san? What is going on?! Where is she?" Ryouga exploded.

"You don't... Aw, curses!" Rukia ran up to Akane and saw that she won't be able to fight without healing. This Ryouga looked a serious martial artist, and his ki, it seems, was even more powerful than Xianpu's. Maybe he could stall for enough time...? She could always erase his memory later. "Akane is here, you just cannot see her! It is necessary to fight this monster. Hold it off while I heal her wounds!"

Akane tried to stand up but slid back along the wall, hissing in pain.

"Stay down! You're one big bruise, I'm sure you even have fractures!" Rukia shouted at her.

"Wha-a-at?!" Ryouga didn't sound like a human being, more like a distant thunder. "He have crippled Akane-san?.. Where's this scum?!"

"Seven meters behind us, a bit closer to you..." She felt the air suddenly becoming heavy.

"Wriggle, wriggle, little bitch," grinded the one-handed Hollow. "How do you think I've ate those two Shinigami? Do you think that my fists are all I have? You won't get away, nor your little friends!" He stuck a long, tuning fork-like tongue out of his maw and emitted a shrill whistle. A horde of little ugly things hopped onto the fences at both sides of the street.

Rukia paid them no mind, she turned to look behind her, at the source of a monstrous, crushing force. Ryouga had dropped both his umbrella and the bird cage and stood now crossing arms over his chest. His reiatsu was rapidly blackening, the negative emotions, terrifying in their power, were overrunning it like a creeping rot. The life energy of his body, intervened with his reiatsu, was bubbling and boiling, creating a nauseatingly-green oppressive ki surrounding his body like a bonfire of swamp flame. With so much power it should be visible to even an untrained mortal!

"Impossible," Rukia thought. "No human being should be able to withstand such onslaught of negative emotions! What is he doing?! He'll burn his soul out!"

The mix of reiatsu and life energy in Ryouga was rapidly gaining power, its rumbling made the very earth tremble. A terrible weight pressed on Rukia and Akane.

"So this is how it looks when you can see everything?" Akane thought, her eyes wide in horror. "Now I fully understand why Cologne called it a truly terrifying technique!"

Ryouga began moving his arms forward, a pustulant abscess of greenish ki swelling between them, weighing a thousand tons. Some words were falling from his lips but Rukia barely registered them. Time dragged with painful slowness: barely a second have yet passed! What does he say? Lion roar blast...? Wait! Does he intend to THROW that thing...?

The ball flew from Ryouga's outstretched hands straight at the hollow, enlarging on the way. The monster panicked and turned his arms into wings, forgetting that he was missing an arm. As a result he just flopped upside down, turning his vulnerable side to the incoming charge of destruction. The little things rushed down from the fences like rain, but they didn't even have a chance to reach the ground: the ball decimated them by just flying by, making them splatter in clouds of ichor. Rukia foreseen the imminent explosion and hastily threw herself on top of Akane.

Shishi hokou dan hit and they were battered with blast wave consisting both of compressed air and negative emotions. Akane hissed in pain, Rukia clenched her teeth, praying that they won't be squished like ants under a steamroller.

The wave receded, leaving a long trench where the Hollow once was. The other end wasn't visible behind the clouds of dust, and Rukia surpassed herself, rapidly healing the cutlet back into Akane. Ok, enough. From this point she'll manage on her own.

"Can you stand up?"

Akane stood up shakily and flexed her body, wincing but trying to make it look like nothing. "I'm all right," she said, took her sword with both hands and walked forward along the trench, almost without limping. Rukia followed her.

Ryouga trailed behind, looking strangely empty, although he didn't forget to take his umbrella and the cage with the... dead parrot inside? No, it was alive, its belly was rising steadily despite it lying legs up.

The trench gradually disappeared but the traces of rolling Hollow did not. Like a giant bowling ball he smashed down a number of concrete telephone poles, hit the fence at a sharp angle, cracking it, then smashed a few more poles... And there he was: wrapped around a still standing telephone pole, totally broken, battered and demoralized. When she saw him, Akane gasped: a half of his mask fell off, revealing an ugly but undeniably human face with low forehead, fat lips and flat nose.

"That's why you must slay them in one strike," said Rukia as he walked up to her. "To not see their human face under their mask, so that you wouldn't be distracted by thoughts that all hollows were once a common human souls."

"But then, each time I kill one..." Akane began in a shaky voice.

"You are not killing them," Rukia interrupted her harshly. "Zanpakuto, the shinigami soul edge, cleanses Hollow of its sins, allowing it to return to Soul Society in the end, just like pluses. A Hollow mus be slain by the shinigami sword only and only. Remember this well. All other methods, including ones practiced by your friend Ukyou, are a true killing, a total destruction of the soul." Akane nodded solemnly. "Come on, let's finish our task."

"Wait," Ryouga stopped them. "What about the mother of this parrot? I mean, boy?"

Akane lowered her raised sword.

"So, what exactly did you promise to the kid?" Rukia asked harshly, looming over the Hollow. "Where did you promise to return his mother from? And why is he in a parrot's body?"

The Hollow smiled with the visible human half of his face, that smile was hundred times uglier than his outward monstrous form. "As if! I slit his mommy's throat myself! Back then, when I was still alive!" He tried to sound brave but stuttered, choking with blood. "Then the little bastard spoiled everything... hack, hack... Caught me by sho...shoe-laces. I fell over the railing and died. But I... made him... pay..." He fell into a coughing fit.

"What is it?" Ryouga asked tersely.

"He lied to hurt and mock the child," Rukia replied dryly. "His mother is dead. Akane, do it."

"Whaaaat?!" Ryouga's uproar was terrifying.

Akane slashed at the mask, the Hollow howled... But he didn't vanish as usually. Instead, a rising rumbling started to sound.

"Let's step back," Rukia said shortly, backing away.

Akane and Ryouga complied.

Behind the Hollow, an enormous gate emerged, reaching up to the sky. Two gigantic distorted skeletons looked from above grimly, their ribcages molded right into the doors. The gate began to open, its doors sliding apart as the chains tying them together broke in quick succession.

"W..what is going on?" asked Akane and Ryouga almost simultaneously.

"The Hellgate," explained Rukia. "Shinigami sword can cleanse only the sins committed after the soul became a Hollow. We cannot cleanse sins committed in life."

The gate, meanwhile, opened completely, criss-crossed from inside by two mighty ofuda ropes abundant with paper wards. Ryouga shuddered: he couldn't see nor the Gate neither the crimson murk beyond, but he felt it. Never again will he accuse Ranma of seeing Hell because of him.

The hollow howled terribly, but his voice was swamped by a hideous, soul-chilling laughter. A gigantic sword-wielding hand emerged from the nightmarish depths, running the hollow through like a shishi-kebab, then pulled back, dragging the doomed soul away. The gate slammed shut with a 'Donn' than shook the sky itself, then just crumbled to dust, vanishing into the thin air.

They stood in silence for a while.

"I greatly appreciate your help," Rukia started, inconspicuously pulling out the 'lighter' and turning to face Ryouga. "I'm sorry that... Where did he go?"

"Don't worry, Ryouga-kun gets lost all the time," Akane explained, catching her breath. "But he always finds his way to our home."

"Oh, that is not unfamiliar to me," replied Rukia. "We, at Thirteen Divisions, have quite a few Shinigami able to get lost on a straight street with no any sidestreets. Even one Captain." Then she added under her breath: "I hope he didn't get lost through the Hellgate, like that poor... No, I'd notice that."

"Look! He forgot the parrot!" exclaimed Akane.

"It's for the better," said Rukia, examining the still unconscious bird. "No, it's impossible to return him to his body, the chain of fate dissolved without a trace. Just how long have he spent in this parrot's body...? You must perform his soul burial, Akane. If we leave him as is he'll become a hollow himself.

Akane sighed, touching the bird with her zanpakuto's pommel: "At least such way he can meet his mom..." She wiped a tear.

A figure of sleeping child emerged from the bird and was promptly swallowed by the black circle of portal. A black butterfly flapped through the air.

"Let's hope he can," replied Rukia. "There are a great many souls in Soul Society, so finding a particular one may be not an easy task."

At this moment a winded Yuka ran up to them and, unable to see Akane, addressed Rukia: "Rukia-san! Did you see Ranma? Or Nabiki? We have a disaster! Akane-chan gone mad!"

"What?!" Rukia and Akane exclaimed at once.

"Hurry! We have to stop her!" the panicked Yuka continued, gasping for air. "We tried to reason with her but she acts like she's possessed! It's horrible!"

"What? What did she do?" Akane panicked in turn. Luckily, Yuka didn't hear her.

"Calm down," Rukia ordered sharply. Tell everything in order. What exactly happened?

"Oh, it was horrible!" Yuka almost cried, wringing her hands. "Akane-chan was beside herself! She started chasing guys! She was practically glomping them!" Blood rapidly drained from Akane's face. "And then..." Yuka stumbled, unable to express all the horror in words. "Then Kunou-sempai came, and she glomped him...! And then she ki...ki..."

"Ki - what?" rasped Akane.

"K..kissed him!" Yuka shrieked at last.

"Let's go! We don't have time to waste!" Rukia said already running. Feeling that Akane didn't follow her, she stopped and turned around to see a chalk-white statue of Horror Incarnated with blue shadow over its face and its hair standing straight up.

"Come on, Akane-chan," Rukia slapped her shoulder. "Collect yourself. I'm sure we still can make everything right."

Akane gulped, unable to move. All her reputation, her honest name... In one moment... But if the treacherous spare soul had glomped Kunou right from the start, then what were they doing _now_? Yuka had to run half way from the school to the dojo, after all...

"Noooo!" Akane wailed, then flew on the wings of terror, trailing tears. Rukia had to push her artificial body to its limit just to keep up with her.

"Wh..what was that?" the startled Yuka asked nobody in particular. "It felt like a restless spirit cried up in despair! And that unnatural gust of wind..." She shivered.

(o)(o) End of Chapter 4 (o)(o)

* * *

Thanks for C&C to:

— Climhazard

— BorgRabbit

**A/N#1:** It wasn't your average shishi hokou dan, but something more akin the perfect version.

**A/N#2:** The somewhat crooked system where Reaitsu (a pure spiritual energy) is not the same thing as Ki (reiatsu mixed with body energy akin to Chakra in Naruto) was necessary for the seamless fusion of two universes. I'm not changing it, that's my final word.

**A/N#3:** After this long pause I feel **rusty** with my English. Enough to say I had to use dictionary to recollect such words as "confirm" "dirty trick" and "hesitate". It feels very surreal since I have NO problems with such words while reading. I just couldn't remember them when I needed to use them myself.

**A/N#4:** I had a heated debate with myself whether I should use "mister" in parrot's speech instead of "onii-san". Well, gues what? I won.

**A/N#5:** I also forgot about Kon when I made the detailed plan for chapters up to #10, so I had to squeeze his (I mean, her) storyline in, bloating a couple chapters. Still, id made the story noticeably lighter, just to my liking

**A/N#6:** I edited the previous chapters, Akane has black hair, as do Nabiki, Ranma, Kasumi, Shampoo and other characters from Ranma one half. Only the Bleach characters will maintain their non-black hair colors since it was explicitly explained these colors were unnatural.


	5. The holy antipervert war

Note: This server's document input filters are becoming more and more restrictive, far surpassing the point of "ridiculous" and now approaching "paranoial". The last invention - stripping the standard quotation marks from new chapters. Luckily, the plain quotation marks aren't affected... Yet. I wonder when they, as well as commas and m-dashes will have their turn...? For now, enjoy reading this with incorrect quotation marks.

You'd better read this story from my home page where I keep it with full formatting intact (see the link in my profile).

* * *

**An Unsuitable Person**

_by Cheb_

* * *

DISCLAIMER: The characters and settings here do not belong to me, they are created by the true masters, Rumiko Takahashi and Tite Kubo. This story is exclusively for non-commercial use.

A/N#1: Calling Shampoo an "Amazon" is wrong (although funny, I must admit Viz did good). Whenever I call her an "amazon" it's a characteristic, not a nation name — thus the lower case.

A/N#2: It was discovered recently that calling Shampoo's maces "bonbori" is utterly wrong, it's a mistake stemming from the early fanon: bonbori is a _lamp_. Some people moved to using word "chiui", while I prefer plain "maces".

A/N#3: Kunou's wooden sword is called "bokuto" (if you do not believe me, just watch anime and listen). I don't have a slightest idea why it became widely known as "bokken" (although these two words are the same).

**Chapter 5**

_(Where a holy anti-pervert war is waged.)_

* * *

"Tendou Akane, you shall not be so hasty! Our love must remain pure and romantic!" Kunou ranted, showing a glaring discrepancy between word and intention: holding not-Akane bridal style he was about to leave the school grounds at a good speed. Luckily, there was an obstacle waiting him at the gates.

"Youuuuu...!" Akane-Shinigami growled, addressing either one or both of them. Not-Akane's eyes widened in horror, her hair standing straight up. The body owner loomed a charcoal shadow outlined by the crimson bonfire of battle aura, and only the eyes, these terrifying white eyes, glowed on her shadowed silhouette, the killing intent was so powerful that a few nearby schoolboys had trouble breathing.

"Don't be afraid, oh Tendou Akane," Kunou tried to proclaim proudly, but his voice gave a squeak. One needn't be a medium to see the hazy blur where the very air boiled, overcharged with spirit energy, to notice the waves of dust rolling along the sidewalk from one very, very scary point in the school gates. Even the birds fell silent, feeling the menace radiated from there.

"Keep behind my back, I shall slay the evil spirit!" Kunou hastily put not-Akane onto her feet, pulling out his bokuto. She stumbled a couple steps back: unlike him, she saw the horror in every detail.

Trying to reassure himself, Kunou made a thrust with his sword, missing Akane widely. She grabbed bokuto with her left hand. Kunou tried to pull the wooden sword free, but he was no match for Akane's strength increased tenfold by her rage, so he stumbled, moved against his will.

"Youuuu...!" The death-promising white eyes glared beyond Kunou, at the terrified not-Akane who backed slowly, forgetting about her ability to outrun a race horse.

"Begone, fiend!" Kuno cried out, getting a better grip and trying to use all his weight to pull the sword free. Akane shifted her mad glare at him and the kendoist shuddered, despite not seeing anything except the bonfire of battle aura, with each moment more noticeable to the untrained eye. The wooden blade in Akane's hand began to smoke and crack.

Not-Akane gathered her wits at last, dashing blindly away. Unknowingly, her legs carried her towards the school.

"You won't best the scion of noble House Kunou!" Tatewaki reminded, very inopportunely, of his existence. Bokuto in Akane's hand broke with a sharp report. Kunou had no time to stare at the broken sword, Akane swept him aside with a brutal fist to his jaw, dashing after the treacherous body. He plowed the grass up to the ring of onlookers where he lay still, moaning.

"Akane, stop! calm down!" Rukia cried, gasping for air and silently berating the wise-guys who decided that gigai should copy all the limitations of human body so thoroughly.

Akane didn't listen, accelerating after the runaway body with the grace of a freight train. Not-Akane stopped glancing back over her shoulder just in time to see the approaching wall of the school building. The body owner breathed at her neck, the crowd hastily parting at her approach.

Not-Akane made a desperate jump, barely clearing the roof of the four-storied school.

Akane emitted a dull roar, crashing into the wall and breaking a huge hole, Ryouga-style. A dense dust cloud erupted from the hole, obscuring her further progress.

"Stop! Calm down!" Rukia called to her, running as fast as she could. "Think what are you doing!" She disappeared in the dust cloud, heading toward the breach.

The gasps, gossip and wildest assumptions started circulating through the crowd. And only the despaired janitor was banging his head against the wall. Not again! Oh gods, not again! How, just how he stained his karma enough to deserve all of this?

* * *

Not-Akane fled, roof-hopping at her limit, the terrifying image of the body owner burned forever into her mind. Who could think she'd find her so soon? And become so enraged? That was just an innocuous flirtation, really-really!

She forced herself to calm down, slowing her mad flight. Stumbling and breaking her neck now would surely lead to her being captured and disposed of. She hesitantly stopped on the roof of an one-story house surrounded by small garden. Pursuit nowhere in sight, she jumped onto a narrow street squeezed between the concrete and stone fences.

* * *

Shampoo was first to notice the Hollow at the canal, she rushed him right away: there was no stalling, the monster already assaulting a bunch of kids of junior school age. Luckily, all he did yet was scaring them.

"Bugger!" Ukyou swore, pulling out the signal flare. She closed her eyes and pulled the cord. The flare emitted a mighty puff of smoke, instantly blocking her view.

"You run!" Shampoo yelled at the children. "Shampoo hold the evil spirit!"

The kids milled uncertainly right between the legs of a huge, hairy spider, his multi-eyed mask adorned with an ugly, wide-toothed grin. Shampoo attacked him without breaking her run, slamming her maces... into the thin air? Only with incredible effort she prevented herself from falling into the canal, her maces leaving two deep dents in the chain-link fence. Twirling, she found the Hollow nearby, on top of the fence separating the street from someone's yard.

"Scram, kiddos," Ukyou told them in a friendly manner, appearing from the smoke cloud. "A great battle will begin here now."

_This_ one the kids understood perfectly. The fights of mighty martial artists in the Furinkan vicinity were widely gossiped of, despite not many people actually seeing them due to sheer size of the district. As it always goes, the gossips were often blown out of proportion, so the kids ran, unwilling to stay on the street soon to be leveled to the ground by two crazy aunts. They turned to a perpendicular street leading away from the canal, disappearing from view.

"Ahh, at last someone able to see me!" the Hollow hissed in joy, his hairy legs fiddling in agitation. "And not a Shinigami, but a common, edible humans!" he added, fussily climbing down to the street.

Shampoo just took a more aggressive stance, ready to rush the enemy any moment. Ukyou pulled out her warded throwing spatulas, initiating her technique: "Quincy Art Revised..."

"What?!" screeched the startled Hollow. Shampoo hadn't even time to rush him as he fell on Ukyou, simply blinking through the twenty meters separating them. "You little skunk!" he spat venomously. Forced to interrupt her technique, Ukyou dropped the warded throwing spatulas, dodging desperately. "Try using your bow now, in melee, Quincy!" he dared her, driving her back under the furious onslaught of his four clawed feet. A moment later she drawn her big battle spatula, but it didn't help much: unprepared, the weapon was good only for deflecting the opponent's blows, unable to harm spiritual beings without proper warding. "I'm not a some third-rate critter, I'm a phase spider!" the monster boasted.

Ukyou saw Shampoo ready to attack and began shifting to the left, turning the enemy's back to the amazon. The Hollow swallowed the bait like an amateur, fully giving to his desire to get Ukyou and screeching something about hit dices and poison that no saving throw would save her from. Shampoo crashing into his unprotected back was a complete and very painful surprise for him. He howled and shifted his weight onto the four forelegs, kicking at Shampoo with the his long hinder legs. But she already jumped away, ready for that. This moment of distraction was all Ukyou needed to grab a warded throwing spatula from the ground and slash at his right foreleg. With a flash of blue fire, the leg was cut cleanly off. Ukyou dropped the red-hot spatula, its ward charred. "I'm not a Quincy!" she shouted, jumping back in anticipation of counter-attack. "Remember this, bastard, and don't you dare to equate me with those dumb crusaders..."

The Hollow, against all expectations, didn't attack Ukyou. He blinked again, and Shampoo unexpectedly had a hairy insectile ass stuck almost in her face, emitting a stream of sticky liquid. Shampoo rushed forward, pulling her maces back for a good upward blow, but the liquid congealed in a fraction of a second, turning into sticky strands. Shampoo found herself glued to the chain-link fence, arms bound helplessly at her sides.

"Ah, you didn't expect that?" the Hollow asked her archly. "Oopsie, this ability wasn't in my character sheet..."

"Shampoo kill!" the amazon roared, with inhuman effort breaking the webbing' resistance. The strands tying her arms and maces began to burst.

"As if!" the Hollow replied with a derisive snort, emitting one more, much longer, stream of webbing that glued Shampoo dead to the fence and covered her mouth.

"Quincy Art Revised..." Ukyou had time to prepare a third spatula, pulling now her ki sling.

"Uh-oh... Time to go!" exclaimed the Hollow.

"...Kuonji Soul Sling!" Ukyou finished her technique releasing the spatula at once. Blue fire blazing, it flew directly at the Hollow's forehead like an angry comet, passed the space it occupied just a fraction of moment ago and hit Shampoo's side with a silent flash. Shampoo jerked, twitching and convulsing in her web bonds.

"Well, I'm off, I'll better snack on the kids," the Hollow said mockingly, sitting a dozen meters to the side. "These brats aren't even tasty, but I prefer my head on my shoulders!" He blinked again, disappearing from sight.

"Shit!!" Ukyou swore heartily, never being known for politeness of her speech. She almost dashed after the Hollow but noticed just in time that Shampoo had both her mouth and nose covered. The amazon was already past the blue hue, well on the way to purple. So, her twisting wasn't due to wound from the spatula — a shallow cut, already baked over as could be seen through the hole in her shirt. Shampoo's side was slightly scalded by the spiritual burst, but that was a mere nuisance — it would heal in no time. Provided she had that time.

"Hold on, I'll pull you out!" Ukyou called, running up to Shampoo and trying to rip the sticky strands from her face. No use: she had no more luck than if she was trying to break many layers of scotch tape. Ukyou pulled out a sharp throwing spatula and began hacking...

* * *

"Where... Where's that _thing_?" Akane growled, stumbling a bit but stubbornly moving forward like a tank. The second wall of the school building, the schoolyard fence, a few other fences were left behind with holes befitting Ryouga. Her battle aura kept blazing like a bonfire, surreptitiously turning almost black .

"Will you calm down!" Rukia gritted, ready to pull her hair out. "You cannot blaze your power uncontrolled like this! You aren't in a body that dampens your spiritual power, you're a spirit now, a slip like this would cost you tenfold!"

"Tried... knock me up... the trollop..." Akane mumbled incoherently, stumbling again, her black garb burned with the blazing battle aura, her hair starting to curl at the ends..

"Do you understand that nothing will save you if you won't stop now?!" Rukia screamed at her. "What are you planning to do? Kill her? Finish your own body off? That is what you want?"

Akane turned to her, burning her through with these unseeing eyes full of insane rage. Rukia shuddered, almost taking a step back. Then she grabbed Akane by the sleeve, intent to turn her towards a nearby storefront: "Look..."

The sleeve tore off, falling to ashes as Rukia jerked her singed hand back. The situation was even worse than she thought. Gathering her courage, she grabbed Akane by her burning hot shoulder, turning her toward the storefront with a hard jerk: "Look at yourself! You're burning! You're already burning yourself out!"

Akane stared at the reflection, uncomprehending. An ugly rictus stared back at her, veins bulging, white-hot eyes burning with vile hatred. The reflection's hair billowed in the flaming aura having already burned a few holes in her black garb, the white collar of the undergarment browning. The missing sleeve revealed an arm bulging with barbaric muscles, veins prominent under the reddened skin.

"Do you want your fiancé seeing you like this?" Rukia asked quietly, rubbing her burnt hand.

Akane shuddered, understanding crashed into her like a bucket of icy water. This monster in the storefront, it was _her_ reflection! It was her! Akane shut her eyes tightly, shaking her head in denial. Her battle aura fizzled out, fear replacing the rage.

"I hoped you'd notice it for yourself," Rukia said with a relived sigh. "When your soul dwells in your body, the latter acts as a conductor for your reiatsu, limiting and dampening its flow. Passing through the body, reiatsu becomes ki, which is limited by how much your body is trained. But when you leave your body, nothing holds your reiatsu back. You become stronger, but can burn yourself out if you are careless."

Akane warily cracked one eye open and immediately felt relived, seeing her usual self in the reflection. Granted, she was charred, haggard, with dark bags under her eyes — but it was still herself, not a some sort of brutal monster.

"Controlling one's power is the most essential thing for any Shinigami," continued Rukia. "Now you understand?"

"Yes, sensei," Akane wheezed, downcast.

"Good. Now we need to... The flare!"

"Where?" Akane jerked upright.

"Look! Over there!" Rukia pointed at the faraway smoke pillar over the rooftops. "Come on! The Hollow wasn't alone, just as I thought!" She rushed toward the smoke pillar.

"Not alone?" Akane asked with anxiety, speeding to follow her.

"It happens from time to time if Hollows emerge not from the space between worlds where they usually hide, but from a breach to... their home world."

"So there is a whole world of Hollows?" Akane shuddered, running. "You told me only about the material world and Soul Society..."

"You forgot there's Hell yet," Rukia reminded her. "Less talking, save your breath."

Alas, they had a fair distance to run.

* * *

Not-Akane glanced from side to side warily, walking down a narrow street walled with high concrete and stone fences. Suddenly a gaggle of kids ran in the opposite direction. Then a spider-like Hollow emerged from nowhere.

"Where are you going, kiddies?" the monster drawled mockingly. "I still hadn't my breakfast yet." He let out an ugly giggle. "Ah, they can't hear me anyway. I should stop playing with my food, it's time to... Huh...?"

Not-Akane firmly stood in his way, crossing her arms. "You won't go any further," she informed him.

"Ah, one more!" the Hollow exclaimed in joy: obviously, the loss of one appendage didn't teach him anything. "Just wonderful, a normal soul instead of these stumps!" He blinked, appearing behind not-Akane and releasing a spurt of sticky liquid... harmlessly splashing over the street.

"Wha...?" he stared, stupefied.

Not-Akane rebounded from the street lamp, adding to the gravitation pull. Tumbling in the air like a spool she crashed into the monster heel first, further increasing the strength of her blow. He howled, slammed belly first into the road, his legs buckling. The girl jumped away, landing a good distance from him.

"You don't know who you're crossing!" the Hollow hissed, raising to his legs but still staying turned his back to her — the eyes on the back of his head came in handy. "I'm not a some weakling! I'm a phase spider!" He blinked, and two rows of flat, porcelain-white teeth snapped where her head was a moment ago. A long leg armed with two huge claws lashed at the girl crouched low in her dash, ripping a shallow tear in her back.

She swiveled, changing her direction, and rushed back at the Hollow, burnt rubber of her soles staining the street. He barely had time to rear his forelegs back for a strike, but she was already under him, hitting him with her leg in a tumble. He howled, thrown a few meters into the air, but then blinked again, putting his gaping maw right at her way. Not-Akane dodged by jumping straight up, aiming to slam into his back from above. Her outstretched foot pulverized the asphalt, while he released a spurt of webbing almost point-blank. She dodged with a desperate dash, simply outrunning the sticky stream.

At this moment, Rukia and Akane appeared on the scene.

"What are you doing?!" Akane bellowed, noting the large bloodstain on the girl's back. "Whose body it is, you think?"

"Akane..." Rukia warned her.

"Yes, sensei," she deflated instantly.

"Aw, crap! A Shinigami!" the Hollow complained loudly, blinking and appearing on the roof of a nearby house. "We didn't agree for that!"

"Be careful," warned Rukia. "He has an ability not unlike shunpo, the flash step.

"Exactly!" the Hollow puffed up in pride. "I'm not a some run-ou-of-the-mill mob, I'm a phase spider!" For a moment he looked thoughtful. "Why am I running away? Why should I be afraid of some Shinigami?" He arrogantly blinked back to the street, facing Akane and Rukia, with not-Akane behind him.

Akane unsheathed her Zampakuto and stared at it dubiously, seeing it blackened and melted in places.

"You'll meditate on your failures later," Rukia interrupted her. "Now focus on your opponent."

"Yes, sensei," Akane replied quietly, assuming a stance.

"Feh," the Hollow blinked, emerging right in front of her. Akane blocked his teeth with her katana, thrown back a bit, her straw sandals hissing against the asphalt. The Hollow blinked, appearing behind her, a spurt of webbing flew at her back.

"Watch it!" shouted not-Akane. Akane had no time to turn around, but Rukia shielded her with her body, jumping in front of the stream and throwing her arms wide. Some of the webbing still reached Akane, but she quickly slashed at the sticky strands connecting her to Rukia, severing them.

"Do you see now?" the Hollow asked, laughing. "You have nowhere to run! I'm able to move where I want, when I want..."

"And unable to turn while doing it," not-Akane finished for him with a smirk, walking up to Akane and Rukia. "You always reappear turned your ugly face in the same direction."

"Dammit...!" The Hollow stumbled back, shocked. "You've figured me out! But how...?"

"It's enough not to be blind!" yelled not Akane, with inhuman speed rushing into the narrow space between his hairy backside and fence.

"Hey! Don't you dare risking my body like that!" Akane barked at her, rushing at the monster's other side.

"Bugger!" howled the Hollow, too long to fit the narrow street perpendicularly. He blinked to Rukia, threating to bite her head off, but she dodged him even wrapped in webbing and glued to the spot: she first bent down, then threw herself back, falling under him. She didn't get off completely unscathed, judging by the sound her head made hitting the street. Akane and not-Akane rushed him along the walls, attacking him from the front his time. He tried to bite and slash with his legs, but couldn't hold his own against those two. Very soon Akane managed to cut his last right foreleg off, severely limiting his melee capabilities. The crippled monster replied by blinking to their backs and spraying the street with webbing indiscriminately. Not-Akane dodged by jumping straight up, while Akane was instantly glued her back to the wall — here went the absolute strategic advantage.

"Ha-ha-ha-ha! Got a fly for my dinner!" the Hollow drawled, and blinked again, to face Akane maw-first.

She tried to slash with her katana, but her hands with Zampakuto had too little free action, tied with sticky strands together, to her shoulders, to the wall - only the blade was free of the web, but that wasn't nearly enough. She tried to bull her way through the web, but the usual rush of strength wasn't coming: she probably burned it all out earlier. All her attempts to get free just led to her right, naked shoulder getting firmly glued to the wall.

"Well..." the Hollow sighed theatrically. "_Itadakimasu_!"

"Hey, ugly!" a voice reached from above. "Didn't you forget something?"

"Huh?" The forgetful monster raised its muzzle to see the smirking not-Akane on top of a lamppost. "Ah, it's you. Don't worry, I'll eat you next. Hmm... And again, itadakiYAAAAAH!" He howled in pain, rearing up, then fell onto his back, rolling from side to side and flailing his legs in the air. Akane saw a big smoking hole where the webbing was coming from prior.

"Ah, I didn't mean myself." Not-Akane smirked. "I meant them." She pointed at Shampoo and Ukyou, visible to her but hidden from Akane by the Hollow's bulk.

"Akane, why are you in this form?" Ukyou asked her with suspicion. "Plan to stay aside while we do all the dirty work?"

"Your Akane is over there," she waved downwards dismissively. "The fearless Shinigami is glued to the wall like a fly."

"Hey!!" Akane shouted in indignation, glued to the wall like a fly.

"Qincieeee!" the Hollow screamed, windmilling his legs in the air. "Noo! Don't come closer! Go away! Shoo! Aaah!"

With a savage cry of "I'm NOT a Quincy!", Ukyou emerged on top of his belly. Battle spatula in her hands blazing with blue fire, two seconds later the Hollow had nothing to windmill with. He shrieked out like a little girl and lost his consciousness.

"Yeah, just trust you with something..." Ukyou noted acidly, looking at the neo-Shinigami and ex-Shinigami glued all over the street.

Then she was joined by some half-naked, short-haired...

"Shampoo?!" Akane exclaimed, her eyes bulging. "What did... Oh, gods..."

Shampoo's shiny hair was roughly cut approximately at the shoulder length, her face and left side angry red. She sported only her pants and brasserie... and a very dirty look. Akane gulped nervously.

"Let's free her and finish this," Rukia put her word in, glued in a spread-eagled position to the street.

Ukyou jumped off the Hollow, walked up to Akane and tried to cut the Shinigami free with her smoking battle spatula covered with charred paper wards. The weapon just stuck in the sticky strands.

"Why do they cut the Hollows like a butter but stick in this... stuff?" complained Ukyou pulling out one of her smaller spatulas. Soon it became evident that they'll have to free her like Shampoo: by ripping her out of her clothing glued dead to the wall. And still it was a long and painful work, as they had to tear her right arm and shoulder from the wall, followed by her left elbow. The short sleeves of the Shinigami uniform, did a bad service here. Ukyou didn't bother with Akane's hands glued together and to the Zampakuto's hilt, she just shredded her outer, black kimono and untied the belt, then plucked Akane out of her hakama like a carrot out of garden-bed. Akane was left in the white under-kimono barely reaching her knees, now browned and burnt in places.

Akane winced, looking back at the remains of her garb to check if she left a shred of two of her skin there.

Shivering and stumbling awkwardly, she crawled over the Hollow, not wanting to stain herself as the street at the left and right of him was blocked by a tangle of cut off legs. She raised her sword...

"Noo! Please, not Baator! Only not Baator!" the Hollow screeched, waking up most untimely. Akane slashed at his mask and he peacefully dissolved into thin air.

"What that was about?" Ukyou asked, surprised.

"I have no idea," Akane replied, pulling her hands apart with relief: with the Hollow gone, all the webbing just dissolved into thin air.

"I too," admitted Rukia, walking up to them. "Many things I saw, but I never heard of such place."

"Go take maces," Shampoo said over her shoulder and roof-hopped away.

Akane glanced around and hurried towards what was left of her garb. While she was donning the almost intact hakama and sheathing the sword, not-Akane silently jumped down from her post and tried to flee unnoticed... And plunged forehead first right onto Urahara's cane which passed through her head like a phantom.

Urahara deftly caught the extracted soul pill and carefully lowered Akane's unmoving body onto the ground.

"That's it, mission accomplished!" he said to his companions: a mustached giant, a boy with spiky red hair and a huge iron bat, and a quiet girl with a huge wrapped object slung over her shoulder, covered completely with paper wards.

"And I so hoped for some action!" groused the boy.

"Hey!" Akane's shout reached them. "What are you doing?"

"Umm... Taking back the defect goods?" Urahara replied with levity.

"Goods?" Akane mumbled, taken aback. "What do you plan to do with her?"

Urahara turned to her, suddenly serious: "Dispose of it, like it was done with others. I don't know how it got into a pack of common artifical souls, but she almost brought a disaster." He made a point of glancing at the blood-soaked hole in Akane's school dress.

"Dispose of it?" Akane asked in disbelief. "But... Wait, she is a something else, not just an artificial soul suddenly gone nuts?"

"Don't say such nonsense," Rukia told her. "An artificial soul could never 'go nuts'. No, it's a mod-soul, a remainder of one old, canceled project. They planned to create a whole series of souls, each had some aspect greatly improved: one was super-strong, another was super-intelligent, yet another one could run fast, and so on. Then these souls should have been put to dead human bodies left by their souls, and fight Hollows. The project had been canceled due to ethical reasons, all created mod-souls were destroyed right in the lab.

"Look, Akane, look," Ukyou spat, her words oozing contempt. "This is the true face of your new friends. To create an army of mutated souls, for their own convenience, then slay them all, again for their convenience, just to stay clean. Look, Akane, Look as they'll destroy the one who risked her life to protect the kids!"

"What?!" Akane gasped, unable to absorb the shock.

"Or do you think Shampoo would agree to cut her hair so easily?" Ukyou mercilessly refused to ease on her. "It's a great disgrace for an amazon, a sign that she allowed enemy to best her. She wouldn't do that even if her life depended on it. Only the need to protect the kids could force her."

"The kids...?" Akane whispered. "Wait... we met them on the way here, I even thought what they're running from..." Her eyes lit with understanding. "So she risked my body to protect someone, not for a sake of bluster...?" She turned to Urahara, her eyes flashing with anger. "Give her back immediately! I won't allow you to destroy her!"

"Well, no need to dramatize," Urahara backed from her with a nervous chuckle. "This is a law, after all..."

"A law you have nothing to do with," Rukia parried, deftly plucking the pill from his hand, "operating well beyond its limits."

"Are you sure you want to take all responsibility?" Urahara asked her. "We'll deny our involvement if any trouble comes."

"Better be glad Xianpu isn't here," Rukia replied levelly. "Didn't you think that this..." She flicked up the pill held with two fingers, "This person is a warrior who achieved victory where Xianpu failed and disgraced herself?"

"Oops..." Urahara's eyes bulged. "I almost did it." He bowed to Rukia. "My gratitude, you saved us from an unnecessary confrontation. If you ever need any help..."

"No, the gratitude is mine," Rukia bowed in reply. "By the way, here comes Xianpu... Don't you think we should fix that wound before Akane returns to her body?"

"Well..." Urahara sweatdropped, seeing that the promised help is already called for, "I think, Tessai could easily fix such a trivial thing."

The taciturn giant just nodded.

* * *

"Done!" exclaimed Akane, putting down the needle and tread and handing Rukia a stuffed... something. An uninvolved observer would only recognize this object having a head with small beads for eyes and an even number of appendages. Rukia wasn't an uninvolved observer, though. "What a cute bunny!" she exclaimed, assuring the universe holding its breath that yes, these were ears, not a third pair of legs.

Rukia put the mod-soul pill into the mouth of the stuffed abstraction, and it woke, jumping onto its fabric legs.

"Yaaay! I'm alive! Alive!" the nameless soul jumped up and down in joy. "Thank you, _onee-chan_!" She looked at herself and sweatdropped. "You've even sewn me this body of a wonderful... err... stuffed squid...

"It's a bunny!" both Rukia and Akane exclaimed in indignation.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I didn't mean that!" she squeaked. Then added under her breath: "So that's why I can barely move these tentacles. They're ears, in fact."

"Well, Kai-chan," Akane told her, "you will be living with us now. Just remember, don't talk when daddy, Nabiki or Kasumi could hear you. Just pretend to be a stuffed toy, got it?"

"Kai-chan?" Rukia asked her.

"Well, she is a mod-soul (kaizo kompaku)," Akane explained. "Thus, 'Kai-chan'."

"Hmm, I like it!" noted Kai. "Ah, thank you very much! Now I even have a name!"

"You will follow Akane everywhere," Rukia assigned her a job right then and there. "And take care of her body when she needs to go out."

"What?" Akane cried, outraged. "No way! I'll never trust her with my body! She did enough today, who knows how many weeks the entire school will gossip about me alone! And that outrage with Kunou-sempai? He'll never leave me alone now...! And what would happen hadn't I arrive in time? You what? Would make me a baby? From Kuno...? Brrr..."

"Akane," Rukia said in a warning tone. "You're flaring up again!"

"Ack!" Startled, Akane instantly lost all her righteous fury. "I'm sorry!"

"Don't tell it to me, tell it to her," replied Rukia, pointing at the bed vibrating slightly as someone was shaking violently under it...

(o)(o) End of Chapter 5 (o)(o)

* * *

Thanks for C&C to:

— **Ariolander** (his presentation "Painting with sentences" helped me to transcend my limits)

A/N#4: To **MehrereKartoffeln**:  
This fic was initially nothing more than one-shot (current chapters 1 and 2). I never intended to continue it further. I disagree that anime adds character depth, it just forces many of the characters look nicer and _shallower_ than they are in the Canon. For the hair color, there are tons of indirect proofs that Ranma-chan's hair is black, and nothing to prove otherwise (since the color covers _do not count_ — I think, the reason is obvious). I have a page "Are they all color-blind?" where I collected a small part of these proofs: chebmaster.narod.ru/rm09/hairblack.html . It's in Russian but you can see that the anime characters act as if they were color-blind in the situations where the hair color would be a dead give-away.  
What's more, in Rumiko Takahashi's works almost all Japanese have a realistic black hair. Just look at Inu-Yasha and other works of her.


	6. The fiancées gathering their wits

Note: This server's document input filters are becoming more and more restrictive, far surpassing the point of "ridiculous" and now approaching "paranoial". What is most sad, the filter just REMOVES the parts it doesn't like, leaving a mutilated text behind — imagine the dialogs with quotation marks cut out of them.

No, I understand, hosting a million or so Harry Potter fics (shudder) could drive anyone up the wall, but still... I had to write a whole additional converter routine for my story compiler software, just that its output wouldn't be emasculated upon posting it here. Imagine how hard it is for the normal authors who aren't programmers like me.

You'd better read this story from my home page where I keep it with full formatting intact (see the link in my profile).

* * *

**An Unsuitable Person**

_by Cheb_

* * *

**Chapter 6**

_(Where the three fiancées gather their wits.)_

* * *

"So, you owe her a debt of honor?" asked Cologne trimming Shampoo's hair with economic snaps of her scissors.

"Yes, sensei. She achieved victory where I could do nothing..." She clenched her fists laying on her knees. "I..." She made a move to straighten up.

"Sit still," Cologne ordered, bending her back down. "Or we'd have to make you a buzz-cut."

"I failed as warrior," Shampoo continued sullenly, "My duty to protect..."

"Since when is it the duty of our tribe's warriors to protect the outsiders' children?" Cologne inquired with irony.

Shampoo jerked straight, her eyes bulging. Cologne prudently put the scissors away before asking the loaded question.

"But I..." Shampoo jumped to her feet, ran to the storage room and started rummaging there, overturning something noisily. Then she re-emerged leafing through the yellowed pages of the booklet containing the tribes' law.

"When will you stop digging pitfalls for yourself, time and time again?" Cologne shook her head, for umpteenth time regretting that she hid this rubbish in the chest of ancestral heirlooms instead of burning it. The chest attracted the attention of little Shampoo who barely had learned to read at the time. The other children dreamed of knights and pirates, while the young amazon had a tome of ancient laws only the old people remembered.

Shampoo feverishly leafed through the booklet sliding her finger over its pages. Cologne just shook her head. "You again confuse the dictates of your heart with these moldy remains of long past."

"Moldy remains?" Shampoo boggled, almost dropping the booklet. "But granny, you yourself..."

"For the outsiders, maybe," Cologne began in her 'wise sensei' tone. "If the Japanese are so crazed about the 'three thousand years of Chinese history' then why shouldn't we give them what they expect? Any superstitions outsiders have should be supported and exploited, after all. But you've forgotten one of the main principles of the bluff."

"To make yourself almost believe so that opponent buys it, yes?"

"To not buy into your own bluff. You, the youngsters, too easily lose the border between 'almost' and 'really'... So you forget that these laws are just a tool to support our tribe's reputation. Well, tell me what allows the women to be strong, staying equal with the men and dictating them our will?"

"Speed, insidiousness, ingenuity," Shampoo replied rapid-fire. "Everything is just tool for your supremacy in tribe and tribe's supremacy among neighbors."

"Correct, you've parroted it perfectly. But you still don't understand it completely," Cologne noted.

Shampoo frowned, obediently straining her brain, but failed to come out with any result.

"You are underestimating the word 'everything'," Cologne continued in her tutoring tone. "Which also encompasses your oh so favorite Law."

Shampoo stared at the booklet in her hands, clearly surprised.

"Oh, I thought you're smarter than that. A hallowed tradition it may be, but that doesn't make it less a mere tool created by our foremothers for the same goals: to shed the yoke of men who dominated then everywhere, and to hold the conquered equality." She pulled out her pipe and lit it without haste. "Now I will tell you the origins of the Two kisses' law, which goals this tool served, and why its place is in a dusty chest of ancestral heirlooms, not in the real life.

"But Granny... Sensei... You punished me yourself when I failed to kill Ranma...?"

"Oh? But you've violated the law, broke your own oath, haven't you?"

Shampoo's face reflected a total confusion, she looked like smoke could start coming out of her ears any moment now.

Cologne gave out a weary sigh. "By breaking the oath you took, you have sullen the reputation of our tribe as the fierce and unyielding warriors, which couldn't have been left unpunished. But you took that oath on your own initiative. A tool is a tool. You use it if it can give you advantage, otherwise you hide it away. The more so that only the old folks and unbridled youngsters like you ever know of these kisses nowadays. Had you found courage to forgive Ranma, had you accepted your defeat with due dignity — nobody would even recall that you could continue with a Kiss of Death."

Shampoo started fidgeting.

"But if you shoulder this burden, then you have to carry it," Cologne finished harshly. "Otherwise not disturb the eternal rest of customs that belong to harsh times when killing your fellow human being was common and banal. But look at yourself - you didn't just catch it yourself, you've infected all your peers as well. I swear, you're like a gang of Hong Wei Bing with a revolutionary itch in their undies.

Shampoo wished the earth would swallow her up: her great-grandmother rather disliked the Red Guards, using them as a negative example on various occasions.

Cologne smoked in silence for a while. Then continued, in a casual tone: "So, the origin of the Two kisses law. Do you remember Herb and his two minions well?"

Shampoo perked up. "Nice guys. Persistent, though. And their cursed prince is haughty. But he's strong, it's proper for him.

"Nice?" Cologne looked amused by her answer. "Well, you can say that too. But that boy, Mint, have easily defeated Mousse."

"Stupid Mousse..."

"Stupid he is. And stronger than you as a warrior, he is too. If that Mint attacked you, he'd defeat you without breaking a sweat. But there was time when there was a whole tribe of these Musk. And they were our neighbors. For not all women of our tribe could prevail against them, so the Kiss of marriage was born. Well, mind you telling me, why?

Shampoo came with the answer in a second: "To save our tribe's reputation? To bluff and pretend everything goes as planned?"

"Excellent, Shampoo. I knew you could use your head if you try. To make everybody believe that everything goes as it should, that was one goal of the Kiss of Marriage. The second one was to bring a new, strong blood into our tribe. The Musk always were dim-witted, we always were good at manipulating and seducing men and directing their oafish power onto a useful path. And so, turning the strength of the Musk into our strength, we continued for centuries."

"But there are no Musk now, yes?"

"Yes, now there are none." Cologne sighed. "Practically, only their prince survived. Unrelenting they were, their arrogance immense, stood up to any and every trespasser. The Emperor's army, then the foreign interventionists, the Kuomintang - all felt their wrath... Then the great war was over, the Communists squashed those weaker than them and started bringing around the law and order of their own making. But the Musk did not relent, they continued head-butting the Communists like a bull head-butting a freight train. With the same result. If you ask your mother — if she remembers her family and visits us again

— she won't remember them. There were no Musk in her lifetime. To be honest, I too thought they were extinct.

Shampoo gave a sad sigh. Her mother loved her dearly, but they were barely seeing each other. Her mother chose a career in the Communist party over the way of the ancestors. Shampoo barely started to walk when she had to move to Beijing after receiving another promotion.

"Now you see why the Kiss of Mariage's place is in the ancestral chest?" asked Cologne. Adding silently that still, in the case of Son-in-law it fit perfectly — but that was merely blind luck, one chance in thousand. Xianpu would be better of not knowing that: she already had enough, one almost could see the smoke raising from her ears.

"Yes, sensei. But why Kiss of Death?"

"How many times did you fight outside the tournament? Fight seriously, for your life? In how many war campaigns have you participated? How many times have you fought off the attacks from neighboring villages?"

"I, umm..." Shampoo frowned, confused. "No times...? No, I fought off the attacks from Pink and Link. Right. Stomped on them hundred times. Impudent wenches."

"For your life child, for your life," Cologne reminded her patiently.

This time Shampoo fell silent for a long time, digging through her memories.

"Umm... One time bandits from beyond our mountains, but were stupid and weak, dangerous only in their numbers. And they stank, yuck. Ah, right. One time a big boar, it's when I was little, barely won. That time death was closest... And one time a wild bull, when I walked to the festival in red pants. That's all... Well, a couple times I fought off the real demons, but that wasn't for my life at all. They were so weak, almost pitied to beat on them.

Cologne took a long draft from her pipe. "The world became a quiet and safe place. Maybe too quiet and safe. The Japanese suffered a crushing defeat in the last war and swore to not wage any wars. The Communists brought our China to peace and stability... It lasts this way not very long, barely a couple of generations, but people have already forgotten how things were before. Were your grandmother here with us, she could tell a wholly different story. These were wild and harsh times. The bandits formed whole hordes, skilled and well armed, the fights between neighboring tribes were real and serious, the people really killed each other. We fought for Jusenkyou, but more important, we fought for the Musk... But our tribe had never had great numbers, and the women from the other tribes, like those herbalists for instance, weren't a weaklings either. So, the Kiss of Death was born. Well, mind you telling me its purpose?

"To make them wary of us, so they were afraid to mess with..." Then it hit Shampoo: "To win bloodlessly, without even starting a fight! It's the same as bluffing!"

"Good," Cologne nodded. "Now think how should you have acted, how should you have used this tool."

Shampoo fell into the stupefaction, staying that way a sizable time. Then she said, without much conviction: "Should have killed Ranma anyway?"

Cologne gave a weary sigh. No, the case is hopeless. And here she thought her great-granddaughter started using her head at last...

"Why should you have killed her? Didn't you chase her to the very Japan? Wouldn't she forswear showing back at our lands? So return home with an epic fable of you catching and crushing her, tell it everyone. And that's all, your goal is achieved. Where's your insidiousness?"

"Tell everyone I killed her?" Shampoo asked, doubt evident in her voice. "But if someone meets her?"

"In the times of old when the world was endless and untamed, and traveling abroad was a feat akin to theomachy, you should have done exactly that," Cologne explained. "But in this day and age of mercy and ubiquitous telecommunications, you should have lied that you've beaten her to within an inch of her life, but heeding her pleas for mercy you let her live, taking her oath to never approach our lands again. That would be an ideal conclusion for your quest.

Shampoo hung her head: "So, then I... I brought back to life a bloodthirsty law, like raising a hungry wraith from its grave? I tried to become an unneeded wolf among the happy sheep? And I failed even that?"

Cologne smoked some time in silence.

"Things aren't that bad. This new world I still cannot get used to, this sunny glade, is just a surface hiding the same primeval darkness, ever hungry, ever ready. And now you, thank to your obsession with the Martial Art, have reached the height from which one could see the real wolves roaming among the happy sheep, see the real hungry wraiths. Now you are destined to fight them the rest of your life."

"The rest of my life?" asked Shampoo.

"Exactly." Cologne nodded. "By seeing the Hollow and the Shinigami, by involving yourself in their fight, you woke your true spiritual power. Be you a common, untrained woman, nothing would have happened... Well, except if the spirits were insanely powerful, bleeding their excess reiatsu into everything around them. _(note 6-1) _But you've followed the Warrior's Way since your childhood, training your ki, and the touch of the spirit world woke its forbidden side. Where you blindly groped your way before, you will begin to see now, more and more clearly. But there's no way back for you anymore.

"Way to where?" Shampoo asked, not understanding.

"To your old life with no Hollows, no Shinigami, nor their eternal war," Cologne explained. "From now on you are doomed to see them, and the monsters will always notice you. And they'll want to have lunch. Congratulations, your life became interesting at last."

"I..." Shampoo waved her concerns aside. "No matter, if Airen is by my side."

"Well, if you think so... It's your life, it's for you to decide." Cologne snuffed her pipe, and continued harshly: "Now go to sleep. Tomorrow we'll wake before dawn, you need a serious training!"

Shampoo beamed never the less.

* * *

"Now you understand?" asked Rukia, sitting at the edge of Akane's bed in Akane's spare pajamas. Where she slept during the night was still a mystery, but it wasn't the guest room still occupied with belongings of Ranma and panda absent on a "training trip". Anyway, Akane had other things on her mind bothering her much more than this trivial mystery.

The harm done to her spirit form reflected on her body, which ached now wholly, as if she suffered a good beating. She was lucky the burns weren't transferred as well. But much worse was the memory gnawing at her, of her reflection in that storefront. She became a real monster. Not that Kai didn't ask for it, thoroughly, but... She really became a berserk, and there was no excuse for that. To lose control over one's own rage...

"But what should I do, Sensei? Must I hold myself back if I cannot control myself? But... How can I fight when I hold back all the time? Would I have enough power to win?"

"Rage could be cold," Rukia said meaningfully. "Cold and focused. Such a rage could be truly terrible." She stood up and walked to the door, but paused upon opening it, looking back at Akane. "Trust me, I saw it."

Akane followed her with her eyes until the soft click of the closing door... She remembered punting Ranma into the horizon when he tried to bark something after that scene with the naked Shampoo in the bath. Her rage had been definitely cold then. Akane shuddered at her memories. Cold and somehow... acerbic. She didn't listen to his words then, just letting them by. She splashed Ranma with a smile. She sent him flying with a smile. She didn't growl at him, she didn't hit him with heavy things — she just hurt him, calmly and calculatedly. Was it that "cold rage"?

Akane felt very uneasy, she curled in her bed tighter, holding her pillow. How bad P-chan wasn't with her now.

* * *

"Dammit!" Ukyou hit the floor with her fist, still wide awake on her futon. After the today's victory everything had been going sour. The evening customers entered reluctantly, as if there was something scaring them off. Her okonomiyaki turned out bad, not once, but twice - either a very bad luck or an inconceivable crook-handedness on her part. The spoiled pancakes went to the trash bin, of course: she'd never steep so low as to feeding a sub-par food to her customers.

"Some victory it was," Ukyou thought bitterly. "Not mine, that's sure." She sighed darkly. "I knew what shit I've been stepping into, but I had to have that stupid hope to out-do Akane... So what happens? When their stinky butts are on fire they beg me to help. But when we have to finish our business, they suddenly remember all their 'thou shall not kill', 'only a Shinigami can'... Damn hypocrites."

She turned onto her side. There was no denying it, she was doomed to play the second fiddle. Both in the battle against the monsters, and in the battle for Ranma's heart. But pulling back now, when both her rivals were in it up to their necks... No, you just have to know Ranma. There's _no_ chance he'll stay aside, uninvolved. Such a man he is.

Ukyou turned to look at the Ranma's photo at her head, there was an obsessed gleam in her eyes.

"Ran-chan, you tore into my life like a typhoon, uprooted me and threw me to the winds. And so I'm still tumbling, unable to take root." She wiped an uninvited tear. "What would happen to our dreams now? Dreams of the best okonomiyaki stand in the world, of the kids..." She felt tears swelling and wiped them angrily. "But I won't give up!" She clutched the photo so tightly the frame gave a creaking sound. "Do you hear me, Ran-chan? I won't let you go even if that means becoming a devil hunter for the rest of my life. Even if that means selling my soul to these..." Her eyes glinted dangerously. "Who am I kidding? I'll have to forfeit something: either the school, or my calling." Ukyou flopped back onto her futon, giving a heavy, tired sigh. "The school then. Without the education, I can get by. Somehow. But if I... No, never. Without the okonomiyaki I'm nothing."

She lay still for a long time, gazing at the ceiling.

"If you just saw that I, your cute fiancée, am always ready to accept you. If you just found the courage to ditch that rude tomboy..."

Her eyes slowly closed under the weight of fatigue, but just before the sleep claimed her, a brilliant plan flashed blindingly in her fogged mind.

"I won't let you go," mumbled Ukyou, drifting away. "You'll see... I'll be... stronger..."

And she drifted to the dreamland, as always nursing the vain hope to break her curse of "eternally second".

* * *

It was barely a dawning when the fire in the yard of Neko Hanten started to die out.

"Thus I proclaim your training completed," Cologne avowed, throwing the last empty chestnut pack into the brimming trash bin. "If we continued, we'd go bankrupt with the chestnut expenses alone," she added under her breath.

Shampoo dropped two handfuls of chestnuts into a bowl, her glossy hair tied into a double knot on the back of her head, leaving her neck open. Surprisingly, this just made her more feminine. And serious. Anyway, the airy bimbo image now laid in shreds under that fence, with the remains of her lush mane.

"I have truly mastered this technique now? Not like four years ago, yes?"

"Wrong," Cologne corrected her. "Kachuu Tenshin Amaguri Ken is nothing more than a training technique, however legendary it may be. What you have mastered is your speed. But did you really master it?" She made a long pause, puffing her pipe, then put it away. "We'll see now. Let's do a light sparring. But careful, don't you break the fence."

Shampoo nodded obediently, pulling out her maces and crouching down in a stance, one foot forward, her hands with maces held aloft at her sides.

"Begin," Cologne commanded.

Less than a second away, the maces hit the ground with a resounding thud. Shampoo shook her bruised arms, cringing a bit.

"So," Cologne continued, her tone completely nonchalant. "What is the reason for such swift defeat?"

"Sensei is much faster, much more experienced..."

"Wrong. Have you forgotten how to read your opponent? I held back, making our speed equal. Not much, mind you, you are pretty fast yourself — a couple years more and you'll surpass this old woman."

"Then what...?"

"One more time. And pay attention, try to understand."

The second skirmish was as short as the first, despite Shampoo's attempt at a feint and a tricky, twirling follow-up. The maces rolled to the side, Shampoo jumped back, shaking her arms sporting many new bruises.

"At least you didn't forget to jump back this time," Cologne continued in the same nonchalant, tutoring voice. "But you still failed to notice the elephant."

"The elephant, Sensei?"

"Your main mistake, as big and glaringly standing out," Cologne drawled, her eyes half-lidded.

Shampoo flushed deep red, awkwardly shuffling her feet, trying desperately to understand the nature of her mistake.

Cologne just sighed, shaking her head. Youngsters these days. Teaching them feels so futile... She pogoed to one of the maces, almost big as she was, jumped down onto the ground and lifted the painted iron ball on a wooden handle, straining slightly. "Hmm. Not less than thirty kilograms," she noted.

"Thirty two," Shampoo replied with some pride. "Can even carry with the hidden weapons technique, just not whole day."

"I see," Cologne replied shortly, dropping the mace with a dull thud. Then she raised her gnarled stick in her other hand, whirling it on one finger like a turbofan. "Two kilograms."

After that, she turned around and walked back to the restaurant.

Shampoo wished earth would swallow her. She truly overlooked her elephant.

"Come on, it's not the end of the world," Cologne said over her shoulder. "It's time for breakfast, then you have to train with Akane and Ukyou. Tomorrow we'll find you a normal weapon and start teaching you to reinforce it with your ki, to be effective against the real, tough spirits, not just the weaklings like that Mao Mao Ling.

"Really?" Shampoo perked up. "I'm so glad!" She fell silent after stumbling onto her discarded mace, then bashfully moved the accusing thing into the corner with her foot. What a humiliation... No, it's true that nobody in her tribe was her equal in speed, and Sou Pu... The frog-face has always been a brawler, relying more on her brute strength. Unconsciously mimicking her style was... Oh, the shame...

* * *

Yawning widely, Urahara Kisuke trudged towards the main room of his humble habitat more widely known among the narrow circles as a shop selling goods smuggled from the afterlife. Yawning again, almost to the point of dislocating his jaw, he tried to understand what made him wake up so early. It seems there was some smell. A very inviting, appetizing one.

"But still, these with herring and sweet beans are the best," Tessai's voice reached him. Urahara started: his companion had a, mildly speaking, _extravagant_ tastes in food. Not another culinary experiment!

"Naw, the best ones are those with shrimp," Jinta's voice replied, severely muffled — doubtlessly by something with high percentage of shrimp in it.

Suddenly anxious, the owner of a striped had walked hastily towards the voices, widely awake now. And the scene revealed to him was...

"Here, try this one," Ukyou handed Tessai yet another okonomiyaki.

"The same for me, please," Jinta asked her with an uncharacteristic politeness.

"And for me too," Ururu added timidly. "I'm not asking too much, am I...?"

Urahara's eye twitched.

"Eat 'em up," Ukyou smiled at them, uploading the culinary masterpieces at the rate of conveyor belt. Urahara had just one glance at the portable stove, a _large_ tub of batter and a whole pyramid of cabbage heads.

She'll corrupt them.

She'll feed them until they're ensnared with her food. Until they are _her_ loyal companions, not his.

"A-hem..." He failed to start with a harsh rebuke, he had to swallow an unexpected lump of saliva first. "Things are turning tough," he thought. "Ukyou is a formidable opponent, however little power she possesses."

"M? 'Morning, master!" Jinta greeted him without interrupting his chewing.

"Good morning!" Ukyou bowed to him. "Would you like a fresh okonomiyaki? I just made some for breakfast."

And even her smile was practically natural and sincere.

"I..." Urahara forcefully gathered his willpower. "I would be honored, young lady." His smile was a bit strained.

The fight for the hearts and stomachs has begun.

(o)(o) End of Chapter 6 (o)(o)

* * *

Thanks for C&C to:

— people who contributed using the Orphus system (21 bugs so far - most likely, 13 of them by **Ordieth117**).

Last correction: December 15, 2008

Note 6-1: That was exacly what happened in the Bleach manga. Ichigo in his Shinigami form had so much reiatsu and bled it so profusely that he have unwittingly charged all his friends and even the people who just happened by, waking their sleeping spiritual power and making them to evolve.


	7. Things both glorious and creepy

I suggest to read this story from my home page (see the link in my profile) for two reasons. First, it has much better formatting there. Second, my home page uses one nifty JavaScript thingy allowing you to notify me about my spelling errors without interrupting your reading. Just select the offending piece of text with your mouse and press Ctrl + Enter.

* * *

**An Unsuitable Person**

_by Cheb_

* * *

Chapter 7

_(Where is enough things both glorious and creepy.)_

* * *

_A/N: The floor numbering system used here is that of USA, Japan and Russia: the "first floor" is the floor directly at the ground level, the same as the "ground floor" in the British system._

* * *

This late in the morning the normal young people, not burdened with all sorts of things supernatural, hurry to their schools trying to get there before the gates are closed. But these three girls gathered on a secluded clearing, standing in the well beaten circle. Rukia as always stood at the edge of the clearing, this time with Kai in her hands, who bore herself as quietly and inconspicuously as possible.

Cologne pulled out the envelope of compromising materials the three girls hated now with passion, and they sped along the usual spiral. The usual barbs, compromising photos and other intimate details were invoked, but to much lesser effect than yesterday.

"It seems, they are getting used to it," Rukia noted quietly.

"Alas, so." Cologne nodded. "There are almost no sore spots left to push. That's why only the scant few could master the obvious form of Hiryu Shoten Ha."

"The obvious form?" Rukia raised her brow.

"Of course," Cologne replied with a smile. "As with most our techniques, the true goal of learning Hiryu Shoten Ha is hardening the trainee, build up a great resistance. In this case, to taunts.

"Oh yes," Rukia nodded in agreement. "For the warrior, resistance to the enemy taunts is one of the cornerstones... But there are other such techniques?"

"Aplenty," Cologne replied with pride. "For example Bakusai Tenketsu mastered by young Hibiki Ryouga. The obvious designation of this technique is blowing up rocks with a touch of your finger, but its true designation is hardening the trainee's body under the hail of weighty boulders and stone shards."

"Blowing up rocks with a touch of your finger?" Rukia was intrigued. "I myself am not bad with Kidou but I never heard of such effects. Or does this Bakusai Tenketsu work via pure brutal strength?"

"No, it's a pure ki technique," replied Cologne. "You need to see the resonance point in the non-living thing and sharply pump your ki into it, causing an explosive disintegration. But maybe in the spiritual world the matter has different properties and such an approach just wouldn't work...?"

"I doubt that. More probably, there is such technique but it is considered secret, so only the higher-ranking members of the Kidou division know it. It doesn't work against the living things, right?"

"Right. It works only on the non-living things. Though it somehow slipped my mind to mention that to Ryouga, the Son-in-law's rival." She smiled at the warm memories.

"Oh? Then it's useless against the Hollows... But could be very effective against the walls and doors, for infiltrating the most forbidden chambers. No way that the Central 46 Chambers would allow such a thing to remain a public knowledge."

After several fruitless runs the compromising materials come to an end. The girls stood in the circle, but turned to Cologne when the command to begin didn't follow as usual.

Cologne made a point of overturning the empty envelope, then regarded the trainees with a harsh glare. "This step of your training is finished. You are familiar enough with the Soul of Ice, now move to the second step."

A long silence ensued.

"What second step, Sensei?" Shampoo asked at last.

"Ukyou, Akane," Cologne turned to them. "Both of you have participated in the Son-in-law's training. Explain the basics of the second step to my unwise descendant.

Shampoo pouted but didn't say anything.

Akane was the first one to speak: "Umm... The trainee must stay cold, not letting out even a flicker of battle aura. Because it's the spiral created from her cold aura and her opponent's hot battle aura that creates the tornado. This part is called... umm... Body of Ice.

"Good," Cologne commended her. "Now begin. But remember: if you fail to master it until the end of this day, it means you just don't have it for the Rising Dragon Rampage,(note 7-1) and the further training is useless."

"Just don't have it?" Ukyou asked her.

"Exactly," replied Cologne, not explaining anything.

"Sensei," Shampoo asked hurriedly. "What if we have to interrupt by alarm?"

"Then we will finish tomorrow morning," replied Cologne. "The limit lies in what you have already achieved, not in what you have yet to achieve."

"I see, Sensei." Shampoo bowed to her.

"In short, it's the Soul of Ice," said Ukyou who finally figured it out. "You either have a talent for it, or you don't."

"Begin," Cologne commanded.

* * *

There was a barely discernible blurring over the clearing, the air filled with conflicting energies. Time and again the girls repeated their spiral, fighting their own fervor, trying to stay cold so that a single mistake, a single slip on their rivals' part would send them flying.

Time and again Akane failed to stay cold. A couple times she felt the wind tugging at her dogi. If this continues, she'll never be able to master this technique, never be able to surpass Shampoo and Ukyou.

And again they returned to the start. Akane made the decision. Taking a deep breath, just like before jumping into the cold water, treacherous and deadly, she called upon her memories of the moments unpleasant like slippery, cold frogs. She called upon the part of herself she always tried to forget, to suppress, to hide, striving with a great zeal to become a counterpart of Kasumi-oneechan. But they were always a part of her, and now he called for them: her icy contempt and cold-blooded cruelty, her petty vengefulness and frigid disdain. Were these the cold she was seeking, or just a dangerous self-deceit? She didn't think about that.

Unknowingly for her, her lips curved slightly in a disgustingly cruel smile, and Ukyou and Shampoo faltered, flaring with annoyance if not anger. The spiral was rapidly closing, but Akane already felt the cold she summoned seeping through her, enswathing her like a cocoon of revolting icy slime. But she didn't waver. A bit longer... Just one step left... The girls reached the center, synchronously throwing their fists up. But this time Akane's was something more than a simple uppercut. She felt the disgusting cocoon of cold whirling around her, slipping up her raised arm...

And found herself amidst the endless blue filled with sunlight. Deep below, the tiny waves of the faraway ocean rolled almost imperceptibly to the eye. The flocks of white ice fields drifted majestically in the sky above her, the sun shining through them. This space was so fundamental, so impossibly vast, that she found the breath caught in her throat. Akane sharply inhaled the frosty air, her eyes wide with astounded wonderment... And then she shuddered, suddenly feeling somebody looking at her back.

She jerked, turning around as fast as she can, and found herself face to face with... her snow copy, that was her first impression. Her double clad in a purely white Shinigami garb had the hair color of fresh snow, her face crowned with a white tiara incredibly pale, and the eyes... Akane felt the frosty cold of her double's gaze piercing her very soul, she stumbled back with a shudder and couldn't remember the color of these eyes afterwards. Were they white like a chilly blizzard? Or gray like a razor-sharp shards of ice? She could only say she never, ever met anything so devoid of warmth. So devoid of human compassion.

Akane had no time to gleam any more details: the fact that she stood on the air reached, at last, her awareness. With that came the feeling of falling. Her stomach twisted, the frosty air rushed by, burning her face. Tumbling in the free fall, Akane yelled with all her might, sharply remembering that she couldn't swim, feeling with her entire being the ocean below, still far away, but coming _closer_. The resilient wind ripped the scream off her lips, muffed it and carried it away. Unable to breathe, she stumbled, making an involuntary step from the center of the ring...

"Aw, crud," grumbled Ukyou, untangling herself from the branches. "Akane-chan, you've bested me here." She jumped down from the tree.

"Long overdue," commented Shampoo, returning into the ring from her landing spot. "Will be normal Shinigami now, was painful to watch." Judging by how immaculate her clothing was, she landed on her feet. Well, what else to expect from a cat?

"Oh-ho-hoo?" Cologne noted with irony from her gnarled staff. "And here I thought my great-granddaughter would be first?"

Shampoo snorted arrogantly: "Just you wait! Granny... Sensei will see yet me achieving success!"

"Then back into the ring, my pupils," commanded Cologne. "And try to catch up..."

"Wait!" Akane interrupted her. "Just now, something strange happened to me. Right when I finished the technique."

"Something strange?" said Rukia. "Haven't you, by any chance, met the spirit of your Zampakuto?"

"The spirit of my Zampakuto?" Akane echoed, surprised. "Well, I suddenly found myself in that strange place, amidst the sky, there was the ocean below and the ice floating in the sky, and all of this was so terribly vast... But what most scary - there was a me... I mean, not exactly me, she had white hair, and her eyes too, they were... white, I felt chilled by her eyes. And she wore a white Shinigami garb, and...

"There's no doubt," Rukia cut her babbling short. "That was the spirit of your Zampakuto. But did you hear her name?"

"Her name?" Akane was taken slightly aback. "No, she didn't say anything. Well, I didn't even have time to look at her closely. I mean, there was nothing to stay on, so I... I just fell down."

"Nothing to stay on..." Rukia drawled, deep in thought. "You are definitely not ready. Which is not surprising. You have a long way to train."

"Yes, Sensei." Akane wilted a bit.

Rukia's cell phone rang, announcing the arrival of another soul-eater. "Let's go," she held Kai to Akane.

Akane's eye twitched. Kai started fidgeting, wishing dearly to be somewhere else. Somewhere far, _far_ away.

"Me, trust this... this... with my body?" snarled Akane. "One time was enough!"

Kai's face went blue, she gave out a shriek and hid behind Rukia. Yeah, sure. They say, Antarctic is good this time of year.

"Trust her with your body?" Ukyou walked closer, peering intently at the stuffed absurdity. "This means that..."

"In the stuffed cuttlefish is the soul of warrior who fought yesterday in Akane's body!" exclaimed Shampoo.

"I'm bunny!" Kai exclaimed indignantly.

Shampoo approached from the side and bowed to Kai. "I..." She paused for a moment, then continued with resolution: "I owe you. You brought us victory in the battle where I... Where I failed to fulfill what I took on myself."

"Oh, that was nothing..." Kai replied, suddenly shy. "In my place, anyone with a conscience..."

"Girls," Rukia interrupted them. "We need to hurry! Akane, are you swallowing or not?"

"Me, trust this..."

"Let me guard your body," Cologne proposed with a sigh.

"Thanks, granny," Akane said with relief, bowing to her.

"And you, my stuffed beauty?" Cologne turned to Kai. "Mind keeping the old woman a company? Could also tell me how you got like this."

"Everything is taken care of?" asked Rukia, pulling a fingerless leather glove emblazoned with a flaming skull onto her right hand. "Then let us go." She pulled her arm back, aiming it at Akane. "So we have to do it in a less elegant way..."

* * *

The Hollow looked like a huge, bulging caterpillar sitting on the roof of a seven-story office building. Its white mask was rather inelaborate, without the usual black patterns, its mandibles rather small for such a bulk. It circled the roof lazily, looking for the prey from above, and didn't show any inclination to get down.

The girls swore: even Ranma couldn't jump so high. But they didn't want to lose the factor of surprise. So they had to move a twisted way along the fences and walls of the one-story houses surrounding the caterpillar-crowned concrete office box. Evoking the suspicious glances from people passing by, they reached at last the entrance watched by two security cameras, with a security guard visible through the glass doors. Rukia mercilessly burned the cameras out with some weak electric spell and they bravely moved forward. Akane walked in the front, so she hit the glass with her nose since the automatic doors weren't constructed to react to the spirits. She jerked back, trying hard to forget as her nose, it felt, passed _through_ the glass for a moment. When Ukyou and Shampoo caught up with her, the doors reacted as intended, and the three girls entered, bold like tanks.

"Who are you? Show your ID!" The agitated security guard asked them nervously, glancing at the suddenly dead monitors.

"Ramen delivery order for Takeda-san!" Rukia popped up from behind her teammates like a Jack-in-the-box. "Neko-ucchan, the best okonomiyaki ramen in all Japan!"

The guard's brain was still locked up trying to process this rubbish when Rukia reached his counter. **Poof!** the cloud of colored smoke blooming in his face, the guard slumped to the counter a second later.

"Come on, we have no time to waste!" Rukia made a gesture for the dumbstruck girls to follow her inside.

"Umm... Sensei, where are you going? There's an elevator here!" Akane called for her, pressing the call button.

"An elevator?" Rukia turned around. This moment the doors opened with a melodic "ding". "What should we need a closet for?"

"Umm... Sensei, it's for going to the top floors. Don't tell me you have no elevators in Soul Society? We have these in all buildings higher than a few floors.

"For going to the top floors?" Rukia said approaching the elevator and surveying the car with some suspicion. "No, we have never had anything like this. In Rukongai, there are no houses higher than three floors, in Sereitei no Shinigami would ever think of such an improper luxury."

"Any way, it's an excellent way to sneak upon it unnoticed," noted Ukyou. "If we go there while calmly staying put, the Hollow wouldn't be able to sense our Reiatsu. And this is faster than sneaking up the stairs."

"To sneak up on an elevator," Shampoo said, entering the car. "Never thought I'd will."

"I too," Ukyou admitted, entering and standing next to her.

"Are you coming, Sensei?" asked Akane, already in the elevator.

Rukia entered the car looking like she rode elevators her entire life. Only Ukyou did notice that she overacted a bit.

Akane pushed the seventh floor button. The doors closed, elevator started moving up. Ukyou used the short respite to pull three spatulas from her bandoleer, deftly wrapping them in the wet paper wards. Shampoo shrugged, straightening the unfamiliar knot of hair at the back of her head. She pulled, as always from nowhere, a pair of scimitars instead of her usual maces. Akane didn't notice, this happening behind her back, but Ukyou raised a brow in surprise.

"Changing weapon," Shampoo explained curtly. "Old one was wrong."

This moment the elevator stopped though the panel displayed only the fifth floor. The doors opened with a melodic "dong" and a businesswoman stepped into the car blindly, completely occupied with some papers. And reeled back, stumbling onto Akane who was invisible for her. And lifted her eyes, seeing some strange girls armed with lethally-looking sharp things. The folder she held flopped onto the floor, the office lady backing away on shaky feet.

"Sorry, this elevator goes up," Ukyou tried to relive the situation, pushing the door closing button with a beaming smile.

Cold-blooded like a boa, Rukia calmly pointed her brainwashing tool at the closing doors. **Poof**. **Ding**.

"We are like men in black," noted Shampoo.

"Like who?" Ukyou didn't understand the reference.

"Is a serial. Granny likes to watch stuff," explained Shampoo. "In there, Americans hunt aliens, wipe everybody's memory with a very similar thing."

Meanwhile they have arrived at the top floor. They crept stealthily up the stairs to the roof and held their breath opening the door a crack and peering out. The small concrete storey turned out to be inside the ring formed by the Hollow's body. From time to time, a wave rolled through the round segments, accompanied with movement of the segmented feet.

Rukia quietly opened the door a bit wider, poking her head outside. She looked to the right, then to the left, then turned back to the three warriors explaining in a whispered tone: "Its head is at the left, hangs down over the edge. The tail is there too, still on the roof. We won't get it like this, we have to make it move its head closer.

"Then attack it all at once," Shampoo whispered in return. "Me and Ukyou chop tail, Akane at ready. It lunges, she cuts it down."

"Too dangerous," objected Rukia. "It could start thrashing instead of lunging at you. Then you risk being thrown off the roof."

"Then we sneak to the right and poke it in the middle," Ukyou suggested a new plan. "Even if it wraps around this storey we could escape into the corner between its wall and the roof surface. The Hollow's body is round."

"And Akane waits in ambush for it to leave its muzzle open," Shampoo finished for her. "Good plan."

The cook and the amazon slipped outside without a sound, skulking to the right along the wall. Akane carefully unsheathed her Zampakuto, with a great relief seeing a flawless, undamaged katana. Then she stood at ready. Rukia carefully opened the door wider.

The tense waiting didn't last for long. The Hollow emitted a deafening shriek, its long caterpillar's body convulsed in waves of motion and the monster ran in panicked circles, chasing its tail like a demented merry-go-round.

"This, we didn't expect," Rukia noted. "Have they just put the salt into its wound?"

For two revolutions Akane stood still, gauging the relative speeds. At the third one she jumped from her cover, with a mighty "kyah" smashing her sword into the mask speeding by. The Hollow's wail abruptly cut off, it flopped onto its belly, the inertia carried it for a few more meters before it finally stopped and began dissolving into the thin air.

"What did you do to invoke such a stampede?" Rukia asked Ukyou and Shampoo who just emerged from behind the storey. "Tried to flay it alive?"

"I only poke once, little-little," Shampoo said, showing her sword. "Just once."

"Exactly." Ukyou nodded with disgust. "With her unprepared swords to boot, unable even to pierce its skin. Dammit, to waste three silvered wards on such a sorry weakling! I didn't even have to hit it." She displayed her three unused throwing spatulas. "Bugger. They'll dry up till evening, then count the wards wasted."

"Maybe they won't go to waste yet," Rukia noted grimly.

"What do you mean?" Ukyou asked her, suddenly suspicious.

"The Hollows appear in this town too often," explained Rukia. "Abnormally often. There shouldn't be so many of them. There is probability of a breach somewhere in the vicinity."

"Breach to where?" Ukyou asked. "Or should I say, _from_ where?"

"From the realm of hungry wraiths, of course," Shampoo replied instead of Rukia. "Where eternal night rules supreme over the desert white as dead bone. The countless hordes of hungry Wu roam free, and woe to the mortal who finds herself in their land."

"Where did you get such details from?" Rukia asked her intently.

"Legends." Shampoo shrugged. "Tribe has many stories, even one about the fire-breathing bird people. Who knows where is truth."

"Well, in this instance your legends are quite precise," said Rukia. "Most Hollows dwell in the world called Hueco Mundo that looks, according to what they teach us, as an endless white desert shrouded in eternal night. The spiritual matter density there is so high that the Hollows don't need to eat souls to survive. Though they wouldn't be against trying if you end there. Unfortunately, it's rather easy for them to penetrate the living world or Soul Society."

"Sensei," Akane asked a question they all felt was vital. "How many of them are there, in that... Hueco Mundo?"

"According our scientists' estimates, their number is up to one third of the currently living humans ."

"So there are... _two billions_ of them?" Akane almost broke to a shriek.

"But they don't swarm all in one place," Rukia tried to calm them. "Though I should admit, there were a few precedents of breach leading to a literal hotbed. Whole divisions were rallied to contain the invasion..."

"I hope that won't be case this time," grumbled Ukyou. "I already have a lot on my shoulders, I don't need to fight hordes of monsters on top of that."

"Would be bad for business if many clients eaten," Shampoo agreed.

Akane just shivered silently. Why Ranma is never there when you need him? Granted, he's an insensitive jerk-ass, but still...

* * *

We see a cargo container rolling on a long container carrier platform in the tail of a long freight train. The container's doors open a crack, all we could see are someone's eyes glinting inside.

"Looks like suburbs," a girl's voice notes. "We'll be home at sunset, unless this one goes to the marshaling yard too."

Her reply is a content quacking.

* * *

Some place dark and cavernous. The lantern in the man's left hand gives much more light that a mere glass box with a candle inside should be able to, but it's barely enough to keep the darkness at bay. We see the man from his back, as a dark silhouette lined in light amidst the lit circle of rough stone floor. He stays alert, since beyond that circle of light lies only darkness filled with shuffling, skittering and occasional malicious giggling.

"Where is she?" the man demands, his voice is quite youthful: he haven't even hit his thirties. "Enough! It's time to stop this insane game!" Light plays on his short dark hair, the metallic rim of his glasses and his simple gi when he raises his lantern higher.

Two huge Hollows jump at him from the darkness, but the man's right arm flies up, the incense stick clutched in it trailing almost invisible smoke. A complex symbol is drawn in the air in a blink of an eye, and both Hollows disintegrate in a storm of light motes, purified instantly.

"So, that is really all you got, hunter," another man's voice reaches from the darkness, cold and bored. "I must admit, I am sorely disappointed."

"I'm not a hunter, I'm a healer!" the first man replies hotly. "Now where is she?!"

A sound of human steps reaches from the darkness, and the second man emerges on the edge of the circle of light. He is lanky, his short light hair is unkempt - we cannot tell its color for sure in the dim reddish light of the lantern. He wears thick, square-rimmed glasses, but there are no lenses in them to catch the light. His facial expression reflects contempt and boredom when he looks at the first man, as if there was an entomologist expecting to find a new species but it turned out that the bug before him is a common dung beetle. "Not that it matters to you," he says coldly.

The first man explodes with cold fury. He is on his opponent instantly, his right arm blurs, the index finger outstretched. The supposed blond receives a flurry of pokes into all his vital spots, stumbling back a bit. Suddenly the first man stops his attack, stumbling back in shock: his hand tore through his opponent's simple white jacket with three black strips running down its front and curving onto the right side. Tore through it... and found no purchase beyond.

"What are you?" The first man whispers in muted horror. "These strikes should have paralyzed you on the spot...!"

The second one just gives him a cruel smile, then rips his ruined shirt off. There is a round hole through his chest, the type every Hollow has. "An arrancar," he says matter-of-factly.

The first man's right hand flies up again, drawing the same complex symbol with the smoke from the incense stick.

The human-like Hollow just gives a derisive snort. "Oh, please. I've analyzed your technique while you were playing with my cannon fodder. This bleak stuff of yours would never affect me, I didn't ever have to resort to any defensive measures." He makes a pause, adjusting his lens-less glasses. "So it's really all you got, one holy symbol and your Shiatsu. How... disappointing."

"Abomination!" the first man whispers, slowly backing away on his shaky feet.

"So be it," the arrancar says in a bored tone, turning away. "Iceringer, you may play with this material. I've done with it."

There's a sound of breaking glass, the lantern is snuffled out. The darkness is filled with sounds of struggle which all too soon dies down.

(o)(o) End of Chapter 7 (o)(o)

* * *

Thanks for C&C to:

— people who contributed using the Orphus system (8 bugs so far).

Last correction: January 10, 2009

**Notes**

Note 7-1: I am greatly dissatisfied with both the English and Russian translations of the Ranma ½ manga (not with its precision, which is very good, but with its blandness and inability to convey the original's "fires of youth", so to speak). So forgive me if I use my own translations for the technique names. In my opinion, Hiryu Shoten Ha (飛竜昇天破) is best translated as "Rising Dragon Rampage", not as "Dragon's Heavenly Blast" or "Flying Dragon Hurricane" — the last is, apparently, from the Russian edition. I must admit, my language sorely lacks a usable word for conveying the mighty "Ha". English at least has such (still bleak) equivalents as "blast", "rampage" and "devastation" (not that Russian is weak in this regard, mind you: just them all buggers are _adjectives_!)

**Monster-of-the-week info**

Yeah, it's a new section where I describe the origins of the current chapter's Hollow. First, for the previous chapters. Did I forget to mention that each Hollow has a round hole through their body, usually in the center of their chest? I try to write this fic in such a way that knowing Bleach would be unnecessary.

Chapter 1: your generic, run-of-the-mill Hollow. No specific prototype in canon. The events retell the Bleach manga, though (v1,ch1)

Chapter 2: the situation is partially calqued from the Bleach manga (v1,ch2) but the Hollow is generic.

Chapter 4: the Holow is purely canonic, quite a badass one (code name Shrieker, reward 5000). Taking it out took the first five chapters of the second Bleach volume, which this chapter loosely follows. Ryouga is more a badass though, so everything ended much quicker. The Hollow's little companions (or, more precisely, its external semi-conscious parts) spit multitudes of explosive leeches, which the Hollow sets off with the sound from its tuning fork-like tongue.

Chapter 5: the Hollow here is purely my invention as is the plot. Kai is the female counterpart of Kon of the Bleach manga, and the scene where Urahara tries to retrieve her mirrors a couple pages of the Bleach manga (v2,ch9)

Chapter 7 (this chapter): The caterpillar Hollow is canonic (v2,ch9), in the Canon it got killed off-handedly for butting into the heated argument between the main characters.

The one in the lens-less glasses... I must admit, he only makes a guest appearance here. He's thirty-something levels in badass tougher than our heroes. Despite the fact that he has much less power now that in his prime (Bleach manga, chapter 288), Saffron would stand no chance against him. This guy's a mad scientist, able to analyze his opponent's powers and negate them. Ranma is like a child compared to him in this regard. Death (even the final one) is so much more preferable than ending as his guinea pig...


	8. The fate tests the Tendou sisters

I suggest to read this story from my home page (see the link in my profile) for two reasons. First, it has much better formatting there. Second, my home page uses one nifty JavaScript thingy allowing you to notify me about my spelling errors without interrupting your reading. Just select the offending piece of text with your mouse and press Ctrl + Enter.

* * *

**An Unsuitable Person**

_by Cheb_

* * *

Ok, ok, I know. The delays are inexcusable for such a short — or should I say _tiny_ — chapters, with Chapter 9 in Russian out weeks ago. But just FYI I translate _only_ in the subway, en route to work and back, and that ain't really a load of time. Plus, there were a lot of holidays lately, not to mention me often catching cold and thus working from home. Just be glad I found energy to continue this fic at all, after a year-long pause. Or was it a bit longer?

**Chapter 8**

_(Where the fate tests the stuff the Tendou sisters are made of)_

* * *

"You are spoiling us rotten," pressed Urahara casting a sideways glance at his gorged, blissful companions. _Even Ururu_... He internally shuddered. This had to be stopped _now_. "How selfless of you, to feed us with such delicacies. Is there a way we could repay you for your kindness?"

"Anti-Hollow weapons. Anti-Hollow techniques." Ukyou stated unflinchingly, blunt as hammer.

"Ara..." Urahara looked shocked. "Have you truly desire to get even deeper into the conflict you hate so much...?" His eyes in the shadow under the brim of his hat glinted dangerously. "Careful, you could find later that you have no way back. If you even have it now."

"I ain't got no choice!" Ukyou gritted her teeth. "Akane-chan is already neck-deep in this. And I know my Ran-chan, he'll surely go to her aid. With that damned Shampoo hanging on him. Nooo, I got only one way, the same they go. I won't let my Ran-chan go to another... So, master, give me anti-Hollow spatula and all techniques you care to spare. I, for my part, will feed you with okonomiyaki such good, you'll just bite your fingers off!" She smiled, but there was something so... unstable in her eyes.

"Ah, very well," agreed Urahara well remembering the rule to never put oneself between the obsessed and the object of their obsession. "Let's see what we could do with your spatula. You are some sort of Quincy, if I'm not mistaken?"

"After all," he thought cynically while listening to her heated rebuff, "this escapade of theirs could lead to the outcome I seek. There's no harm in trying.

* * *

"No, this won't do at all," thought Rukia. "But what is distracting her?"

Akane sat cross-legged in the center of the dojo floor, meditating. Well, trying to meditate. Too many things bothered her now, but first off them Ranma. Why haven't he returned yet? And that news report about the collapsed mountain...

She opened her eyes, shook herself awake, then sat still again trying to find that cold. That disgusting, slimy cold that makes your skin crawl...

She started, opening her eyes again and letting out a sigh of frustration. Her thoughts swirled and swarmed, killing all hope to even reach the meditative state, not to say reach the inner self. The worry for her fiance, the worry about her rivals, it was all tangled, crying for attention. If she could just freeze it all into immobility.

Freeze it all...? So what, did she have to chill her heart out to reach that inner world? To become like Yuki-onna who mercilessly takes the warmth and life from the travelers who lose their way in a blizzard?

Akane shuddered, then stubbornly waved all thoughts away, concentrating. She won't give up that easily.

* * *

"Are you sure you want to dispose with swords?" asked Cologne, her voice harsh.

Shampoo just tightened her grip on the staff. "I are sure, Sensei. Wu are big like elephant, their arms long. I need a long weapon. A weapon that allows to defend at range and helps to jump away."

"Hmm?" Cologne didn't relent. "Wouldn't it be easier to shorten their arms? Say, with a sword?"

"No, Sensei." Shampoo was firm in her resolve. "Arms could be dealt with with a staff if I aim at the joints. That are even better, restricting their movement. To keep where is safe is more important. Rukia-sensei tell: Akane cut one arm off, step close, Wu slam her with his other arm. Rukia-sensei barely able to heal Akane back."

"Well..." Cologne's voice gained even harsher tone. "If that's your final decision... Well done, great-granddaughter!" The old hag beamed a smile. "You can use your head, after all!"

"Huh...? Granny...?" Shampoo felt totally confused from this unexpected reaction.

"Come, let's gut our chest of village heirlooms ," Cologne said hopping upstairs to her room. "Leave this staff here, I have something better for you. It's not the legendary staff of the monkey king but It'll do finely against the soul eating things.

Shampoo followed her great-grandmother, leaving the wooden staff in a corner.

* * *

Keeping her calm, Akane slowly let a relaxed breath out, then opened her eyes toward that endless blue expanse. The familiar patchwork of ice fields still floating high above was barely visible in the frosty haze, the sun lost in a huge halo blurred across the sky.

Keeping her calm, she breathed in, letting the cold inside. It reached her very heart, pricking her lungs like icy pinpricks. Only gods knew what it cost her to reach this place — reaching the very bottom of the Soul of Ice, freezing all her feelings, it seemed to her, to the absolute zero... Akane let a breath out, noting absently that there was not a whiff of vapor coming out her mouth. Carefully avoiding looking down she turned around. Wasn't she here to do something? Her thoughts seeping sluggishly through the wall of icy indifference. Ah, yes. Of course. She had to ask the name of her zampakuto, to...

Her snow twin's gaze pierced her with an unbearable horror that chilled her to the bone. Not the ambient frost nor the puny cold she managed to achieve were comparable to that... She felt herself staring into the eyes of an force of nature, the blizzard itself that takes the lives of the unwary with that same absolute indifference and implacability. Not a shadow of emotion marred her snow copy's features, its dull icy eyes looking unblinkingly at its living original still warm despite all her efforts.

Unable to withstand this gaze anymore Akane shuddered, stumbling back. The flash of emotion broke the fragile magic allowing her to stand amidst the sky, and she dropped like a stone. The frosty air bit into her exposed skin, she tried to cover her face, just to hit the dojo floor with the back of her head.

"Well?" inquired Rukia. "As I see, you were at least partly successful."

Akane rolled into a kneeling position finding the floor for a meter or so around her covered with a thin, rapidly thawing layer of hoar-frost.

"I failed," she admitted with a sigh. "I got there, but... I thought I've mastered the Soul of Ice, but she..." Akane shuddered. "The cold coming from her was so overwhelming, and I... I just lost my courage. Then I fell, again." She drooped. "I still think I'm unworthy."

"Don't you dare to despair!" chastised her Rukia. "True, it will be hard. But you will train, train and train more. You'll gain the respect of your zampakuto..."

Rukia's phone had a shrill beeping fit. Akane would swear the Hollows were doing it on purpose, choosing the moment for their attack just when Rukia was giving one important speech or another.

"Here and now!" exclaimed Rukia, startling Akane. "Go!" She grabbed Kai thrusting her towards Akane.

"I would never..." growled Akane slipping to the well worn grove.

"No! Please, don't!" screeched Kai feeling the flaring battle aura with all her fabric hide.

"Come on! We don't have time!" Rukia thrust the yelling, kicking Kai at Akane's face.

"Wh... What..." mumbled Akane faltering in her angry rant.

"Do it! Mouth-to-mouth!"

"No, please no! Help meeee!"

"Whaaat?! Are you saying I have to kiss her?!!"

"Don't be stupid! How else would you pass the Soul Candy?"

"Don't give me to her! I'll even defeat the hollow by myself!"

"I'm not a some kind of pervert!!!"

A loud crash sounded from the house, followed by Nabiki's pained cry cut alarmingly short. Akane stiffened, paling rapidly.

"I told you!" growled Rukia slamming the silent Kai into her face. "Here and now!"

Pulling her sword out Akane dashed out of the dojo leaving the stunned Kai in her body to sit on the floor. Rukia as always failed to catch up to her, running as best as she could while shouting out advices to be careful.

The long-suffered sliding doors lay in ruin, the family room thoroughly trashed, most of it occupied by a disgusting cross-breed of a skeleton and a giant ape who cornered Kasumi, clattering its teeth at her, its mask very skull-like. Akane rushed to help her sister but stumbled onto the... onto the second Kasumi laying lifelessly among the rubble.

No.

Also, here were two Nabikis, at the wall near the broken TV.

Please, no!

And the Hollow... It wasn't just snapping and clattering its teeth, it was also mumbling something... "Ka... Ka... Kasumi-san, how unexpected to meet you here!"

Akane felt sick. Swallowing the swelling tears, fighting the rising nausea she didn't even hear the clang of her sword falling out of her listless hand.

"Akane!!!" Rukia ran onto the scene. "Don't... What's wrong?"

"To..." Akane grunted, it wasn't clear if she was choking on tears or trying to suppress an urge to vomit. "To...fu-sensei... Ka... Kasumi-oneechan... Nabiki-oneechan..." She sniffed.

Rukia cast a quick glance around the scene of developing tragedy. "Don't zone out on me! Their chains of fate aren't broken, they could still be returned into their bodies...! Come on, get yourself together!" She handed Akane her sword.

Akane grabbed the handle like a life-line, squeezing it in a totally wrong hold. "To..Tofu-sensei... why..."

Seeing that her substitute trainee won't be of any use, Rukia tried to attack the Hollow with the fourth level kidou, "White Lightning," only to find that no, her strength hasn't returned yet. The Hollow swirled around poking her with one finger in the same lightning-fast motion. Rukia stumbled, jumped hastily away... Then the shocking realization hit her: her right arm hung numb and listless, completely unresponsive!

Consciousness was slowly returning. Unsure what hit her and what to expect, Nabiki cautiously cracked one eye open. She barely held herself from jumping up with a shout. Their home saw many critters, but this one topped them all. Even the flying minotaur Tarou would look warm and fuzzy in comparison. Whom this ass felt urge to challenge? Ranma's not here, Genma is away for more than a week now, father has a business meeting till evening... And who should fight this thing? Akane?

Nabiki moved a little, but was stopped by a sharp pain in her chest. She felt very exposed and vulnerable: that usual, unfounded feeling of her own invulnerability, it didn't survive the hit slamming her against the wall. Nope, it didn't survive at all. Nabiki have always been a reckless girl. She enjoyed risking, enjoyed teasing the fate. She was a master of bluff. Nothing ever happened to her, in no small part thanks to her intuitive sense when to make herself scarce and her excellent running ability. When Ranma came, things turned even more fun. Masterfully putting the oaf under the heat was an excellent sport, his attempts to wriggle out of a tight spot were always amusing.

This time he wasn't here.

Nabiki contemplated if she should run for it or it's better to make sure she didn't have anything broken before making any moves... Or would it be safer to lay where she was? The monster moved sharply, freeing the room which allowed to see two more people. Akane, clad in a black kendo garb, and the shell-shocked Kasumi who just stood there like a statue, her hands clasped at her mouth.

Shooing away someone she couldn't see, the monster turned around, moving back into the room, advancing on Kasumi. Akane, surprisingly, didn't move to protect her big sister. She just stood there with a sword. She's too busy crying! suddenly noticed Nabiki. What the hell is going on? The monster grabbed Kasumi with its large hands bringing her closer to his white, skull-like mask and its clattering teeth. A clanking sound made her notice the chain attached to her elder sister's chest. Wait! He tries to eat her! Come on, little sister, do something! Nabiki was wery afraid for her elder sister: the danger was real this time. Should she distract the thing? But no, her own hide felt exceptionally dear to her now. Nabiki cast a side glance at the hole in the place of the outer wall. Com'on, there must be someone else to help!

"Ka... Kasumi-san," hissed the skeletal ape, breathing of madness thick in its voice. "I was idolizing you... But you never noticed me. You came only to borrow a book or two... Oh no, Kasumi-san," His voice steadied, gaining at the same time psychotic undertones. "You were always so kind to me... You brought me dinner when I missed it..." He brought her closer. "But you never, ever noticed my suffering!"

"To..Tofu-sensei," Akane sniffed invisibly, hidden behind the monster's bulk.

Wait! Nabiki thought feeling a rising horror. That's Tofu? How did he turn into this thing...? Did he stumble onto the Spring of drowned voodoo shaman riding King-Kong?

"Come on, Akane! Get a hold on yourself! The Hollows first devour the souls of those who were dear to them when they were still alive!" A diminutive girl ran into the room through the hole, Nabiki identified her as Akane's classmate. The girl discharged some flashy technique into the mostrified Tofu's left elbow. Alas, it had no effect. The monster turned, freeing that arm by holding Kasumi in his right one, then made a lightning fast poke with his huge finger. The girl was thrown out like a rag doll, and didn't return.

"Kasumi!" The monster brought the eldest sister close to his muzzle, his burning glare aimed at her continuing on right at Nabiki, to the later's distress. "You were so blind in your kindness! You never made effort to look deeper! Never tried to see the real me!" Nabiki bit her tongue trying hard not to shudder. The doctor's eyes were so _hungry_. "You never had enough kindness to spare for me! Everything you had you gave to others." His glare intensified becoming even more terrifying. "Nothing will distract you anymore! You'll be always with me!" The skull-like mask jaws parted revealing the razor sharpness of its flat, porcelain-white teeth. "Ka... Kasumi..."

Nabiki shut her eyes tight, unable to watch.

_Crunch._

She felt sick.

"Tofu-kun..." Hearing Kasumi's sad voice Nabiki opened her eyes in shock. Akane stood still in a finishing pose, the outstretched sword in her trembling hands telling about a completed cutting strike. Half of the mask broke off revealing doctor's face contorted with heartache.

"Kasumi-chan..." He sighed carefully letting her down. "I'm so sorry... Could you ever forgive me?"

"Tofu-kun...!" Kasumi stepped closer touching his human face with her hand. "I... I'm the one who should ask forgiveness. I could be so clueless sometimes..."

"Don't cry. If someone is at fault here it's... But that't not important anymore. Promise me you'll find a good husband who would appreciate your kindness, all right?

"Tofu-kun!"

"That's a promise?" He smiled.

"I... I will..." Kasumi let her hand drop, stepping back. "I promise."

He turned to Akane: "Do it, Akane-chan."

"Huh? What?" she asked hiccuping and swallowing tears.

"It's told that the sword of a Shinigami purifies the soul from corruption. I couldn't hold any longer, I feel it. Please, go on. Send me where you must."

Akane tightened her grip on the sword, she sniffed, she hesitated and just couldn't find it in herself to cut him.

"You need to be more decisive, Akane-chan," Tofu chastised her. Then he touched her with one finger and the sword clanged onto the floor dropping from her suddenly limp hand. "I couldn't stay any longer." He thrust the zampakuto into his chest and started quickly dissolving into spirit particles. "Bring him to me," He turned to Kasumi. "When we meet again let me get to know him, all right?"

The sword clattered on the floor falling out of the empty now place.

"Now both are gushing tears like spigots showing they really are their father's daughters." Exerting a dire effort of will Nabiki managed to squash the feeling rising in her heart. "I. Won't. Hurt. Ever." She practically growled at herself. "I won't drip snot like those two simpletons! I will think how I can profit from this!"

A sharp pain in her chest derailed her thoughts. Nabiki turned her head in alarm making sure she didn't have any life-threatening wounds. She froze in stunned disbelief looking at the chain attached to the hook sticking out her breast-bone. What the heck? She tugged at the chain but immediately let it go as a sharp pain pierced her through. She gingerly fingered the hook finding it sticking out through a small round hole framed with a metallic ring with six additional studs around it, all embedded into her body right through the clothing. There was a gap between the hook and the ring, but she could see nothing inside, not even blood as one could expect, just a pitch-black darkness. A very disturbing find.

A second Akane peeked into the room through the hole: "Are you all right?" She hesitated seeing the sisters distraught state. "Sorry to disturb you but Rukia is upset there. You see, the Hollow managed to immobilize her with some sort of shiatsu technique but she says we must return those two in their bodies as soon as possible, then brainwash them."

It seems Nabiki was the only one who managed to catch her words. The black-clad Akane trudged blindly away sobbing, stumbling and muttering "Tofu-sensei!". The second Akane followed her with eyes full of both frustration and fear, then pulled back out. Nabiki's only company left was Kasumi.

"How should I clean this mess?" muttered the eldest sister trying to fall into her usual and comfortable routine. She bent down trying to dig through the wreckage but her fingers just passed through it not moving a splinter. Making a heavy sigh, Kasumi went to some other spot, her chain clanking occasionally. Nabiki has just noticed the second Kasumi laying on the floor partially covered with wreckage. She added two and two and immediately disliked the result. So all this time they were _dead_? Glancing around she found her own body right at her feet. Whoops. The pieces started rapidly coming together: first, Rukia said that the "hollow" — should she assume it's a name for this particular kind of monsters? — first devours the souls of those dear to it when it was still alive. So the loony doctor was already dead from the start? And it was his soul that mutated into that thing?

Secondly, Akane has been called a Shinigami, an Death Angel. Not accounting for the fact that they didn't ever have a katana in their house. They just didn't own an ancestral sword, only the ancestral armor suits, spears and bows... Nabiki remembered herself ridiculing her younger sister for all these ghost stories. She smiled bitterly. What a brutal irony of fate.

But there was something else, something far more important... That's it! A similar hole in their house and the yard torn up by Ryouga whom she remembered clearly but who just _couldn't_ be there that day, he was far away wherever Ranma was. Coupled with the second Akane's casual mentioning of brainwashing, there could be only one, very unpleasant conclusion. Their whole family was deep in something ugly. Soon they will brainwash her and she'll continue to live in blissful ignorance of the dangerous games going too close for her comfort.

That thought made Nabiki angry. Really angry. She glanced around finding only Kasumi sitting forlornly beside her body. When she was sure there was no one else around, Nabiki went to investigate her own one. She winced seeing a scraped ear and an impressive lump on the back of its head. Well, it could have been much worse.

Her attempt to overturn the prone body naturally didn't bring any fruit. Nabiki smiled with sarcasm. But of course, if the spirits could move things around, there would be a neverending stream of incidents with things flying around... On the other hand, the monster managed to total their living room. How? He wasn't a spirit, after all? Or there was some trick involved...? She grit her teeth. So many questions and the best answer she could hope for was a hit on the back of her head with a hefty memory-erasing stick. And she'll be a happy idiot again.

Touching her own body felt mightily weird, and that's mildly speaking. Neither hot nor cold, it both sucked her hand in and pushed it away. Carefully pulling the free length of the chain closer — disturbing the hook produced excruciating pain — Nabiki pressed herself to the body as best as she could. Nothing useful came out of that, she just slid off as if the body was a slippery inflatable bag. Then she laid down straight on top of the body using all her weight to press onto it. Does the soul have a weight, she thought before things started becoming too weird for her comfort. The disturbing sensations rose making Nabiki want to yell as she felt herself distorting, swirling... Then there was a jolt and the blinding pain from the hooks touching each other.

Coming to, the first thing Nabiki felt was the pain in the back of her head and the abraded ear. Not Kasumi's soul nor the chain were visible. She wanted to check if the hook really disappeared but at this moment Akane entered the room — or was it someone else in her little sister's guise? — accompanied by the limping Rukia. Walking up to Kasumi, they busily lifted something invisible putting it down on top of Kasumi's body and began some manipulations she couldn't see clearly with her eyes opened just a crack. Then the diminutive girl brought something small to her elder sister's face, there was a poof accompanied by a small cloud of colored smoke. There is it! Nabiki tensed doing her best to look unconscious. Maybe...

Rukia turned to look at her, then gave the small object to the assumed Akane: "That one too, just to be sure."

"Aw, _crap_!" mentally growled Nabiki gritting her teeth.

(o)(o) End of Chapter 8 (o)(o)

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Thanks for C&C to:

— (your name could be here)

Last correction: February 27, 2010

**Monster-of-the-week info**

Chapter 8: his form and abilities are totally different, but the hollow closely follows the fate of Inoue Orihime's big brother. The events of this chapter mirror chapters 4 to 6 of the first Bleach volume.

I was absent-minded enough that I mixed in a part of the anime canon. But frankly, it fits so well that I feel no desire to remove it (and rewrite this whole chapter from scratch to do that).


	9. Many people are left confused

I suggest to read this story from my home page (see the link in my profile) for two reasons. First, it has much better formatting there. Second, my home page uses one nifty JavaScript thingy allowing you to notify me about my spelling errors without interrupting your reading. Just select the offending piece of text with your mouse and press Ctrl + Enter.

* * *

**An Unsuitable Person**

_by Cheb_

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**Chapter 9**

_(Where many people are left confused)_

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Akane sat on a roof unaware of her surroundings, the raw hurt completely blinding her. Doctor Tofu... Kasumi... Nabiki... Everything was just like when her mom has died. No, even worse. Back then... Back then they were left alone. Today, _she_ was left utterly alone. Akane hissed in pain, curling into a tighter ball. Kasumi, so dear to her, so nice, an embodiment of the ideal woman whom she always admired dreaming to be just like her. Nabiki, insufferable but so... _kin_. And the doctor... The childish crush may have passed but he was still someone she felt close to.

And now she had to spend the rest of her life without them. While she... She could do nothing for them. She couldn't stop the disaster, nor could she... She quietly whined knowing she should at least say her good bye but unable to look into the sister's eyes. It was beyond her. Even when the doctor asked, she couldn't... Was there someone calling her name? While tugging at her sleeve?

"..ne-chan, let me share your pain by... CRYING IN YOUR BOSOM!!!"

There was a blinding flash of anger manifesting in a brutal punch. Sliding off her fist, the wrinkled master streaked down like a cannonball raising a huge dust cloud when he broke through a concrete fence. Akane stood there heaving, her arm still outstretched.

Alas, the quiet would not last.

"Akane-chan! Don't be so cruel!" The dirty old man sniffed as he jumped back onto the roof unharmed like a soccer ball after a champion's punt.

"Leave me alone, go to hell!" she barked wiping at the tears, immensely glad there was someone to be angry at. The anger was, after all, her usual escape from the heart-ache.

"How unfair!" The old man pouted. "After all these years I spent for the sake of the school, my own heir..."

"Don't 'heir' me!" hollered Akane. "You disgrace! With such a founder how could I bear my school's name and not feel ashamed!"

"But, Akane-chan..." Happousai sniffed pitifully while encroaching closer.

"Halt!" Rukia's voice came from behind. "Don't you dare to approach her!" Kai landed on the roof crest holding Rukia in her hands. Akane felt a prick of envy: how could the tramp jump better than Ranma? All the while being in Akane's body while Akane herself could manage a couple meters tops...

"Who are you?" asked Rukia as Kai put her down. She eyed the unfamiliar creature with suspicion. For a moment she thought it was a Hollow, but no. He had a material body, which meant it was a human... Or not? She kept looking into him but couldn't determine what her spiritual senses tried to tell her. A cloaked youkai? Didn't look like it. His soul didn't feel like anything familiar: not human nor Hollow, not a Shinigami either, but some unclear blurred mess. For a moment she thought she saw a boiling mass of energy held by chains wrapped around it. Rukia blinked and the image was gone. She was probably just seeing things.

"This is Happousai," explained Akane. "The master of my father and uncle Saotome.

The old chap, for his part, also studied Rukia intently.

"Shinigami-chan!" exclaimed the wrinkled relic after a short pause. "What an inhuman commander could send a child to fight evil spirits!"

A cross-shaped vein popped on Rukia's forehead with an audible crack. "How dare you to call me a child! I'm a grown woman, Kuchiki Rukia of Thirteenth division and I'm no..."

"Kuchiki...?!" Happousai suddenly backed away. "Aren't you, by any chance, a relative of that zealot Byakuya?"

The number of cross-shaped veins on Rukia's forehead tripled. "Don't you dare to refer to onii-sama with such a disregard, worm!"

"Well, bye," said the uncharacteristically quiet Happousai. At the edge of the roof he stopped, turned back to them and said: "Akane-chan... If you cross the paths with her brother, be very careful not to anger him. He's a scary man."

With that, he jumped off the roof disappearing from sight as well as fro Rukia's spiritual senses.

"Don't listen to him," said Rukia. "Onii-sama is harsh but just. The law is first and foremost for him." Then added silently: 'The law I broke so many times... I'm afraid to even think how he would react the next time we meet.'

Climbing onto the Kai's subserviently bent back, she urged: "Let's hurry, we have to return soon."

"Huh...?" was Akane's response. The anger drained away leaving a numb, raw emptiness in her heart. She listlessly followed her mentor. The trip back home didn't take more than three minutes.

As she jumped down from the Kai's back, Rukia addressed Akane: "Who was he, the spirit who turned into that Hollow? Someone you knew?"

Akane was so deep in depression she didn't even hear the words.

"I know..." Rukia stepped closer to look her in the eyes. "I know how much it hurts. But at least he wasn't devoured so he could eventually get to Soul Society."

"Tofu-sensei..." Akane sniffed. "Kasumi-oneechan... Nabiki-oneechan..."

Rukia stood blinking in confusion. Then it hit her. She grabbed her protege by her shoulders and vigorously shook her. "I told you they're alive! Didn't you hear me at all?"

"Huh...?" Akane stared back with big wet eyes still not understanding.

"Stupid men in black," grumbled Nabiki as she descended the stairs sporting a smart jacket. Reaching the entranceway she promptly bent down to don her street shoes. "It wasn't enough to flatten these freaks with their flying saucer, nooo! They just had to flatten our TV for a good measure!" She cast a sidelong glance at Rukia who stood in a very strange pose for someone unable to see Akane.

Rukia pretended she was stretching her arms.

"Nabiki-oneechan!" Akane beamed, her nose runny, her eyes shiny with brimming tears.

Turning her back to Nabiki Rukia made scary eyes at Akane: the protege could forget herself in her joy and hug her sister making the heart attack a very real possibility. To her relief Akane limited herself to rivulets of joyful tears.

"If you here for Akane," Nabiki informed Rrukia, "She's not home."

"No, no, she's home," assured her Rukia. "You must be missed her coming a few moments ago."

"Ah, well," Nabiki stood up and went for the door. "I'm off!" she announced loudly as she disappeared from the view behind the corner.

"See? Your sisters are fine, even their bruises have been healed," soothingly said Rukia. "Now let's return you to your body."

"But where is it?" Akane asked in a tired voice as she looked around. The mighty waves of heartache and joy wore down the ship of her heart leaving her utterly drained.

"Right he..." Rukia frowned while looking around. Kai managed to get lost somehow. "I should find her." She went into the house finding Kasumi wiping at the last specks in the immaculately clean family room. There were no remains left of the smashed furniture nor the demolished sliding doors, only a clean if a bit too empty and drafty room. Rukia felt losing her grasp of what was going on. Did her search for Akane take that much longer than she thought? Or was the eldest sister of her protege a secret heir to some school of cleaning ninjutsu? In short, stranger and stranger. "Kasumi-san, have you seen where did Akane-chan go?"

Finished, the long-haired housewife paused her dusting: "She must be congratulating Ranma-kun with his return home. He said he'd go take a bath, right after he and Mousse so kindly helped me clean up that awful mess these rude aliens left..."

Akane simply didn't hear anything past these words streaming towards the bathroom on wings of hope: He was alive and he has returned!

The scene that met her made her joy evaporate like the liquid oxygen in a blast furnace. Granted, Ranma was here. Alive, intact... and frantically dodging Kai's advances, the tramp hanging on him like a leech while using _her_ body. She didn't even give him a chance to cover himself! Glomping onto him! While using _her_ body! Flirting and making eyes at him! The nerve of that tramp!! Just a minute out of sight and she did it again!! Ungrateful little creep!!! Why, you...!!!

"KAI, I'LL KILL YOU!!!"

Ranma knew it would end badly. Very, _very_ badly. Whatever potion Akane drank, whatever charm Shampoo put her under, he'd bet the uncute girl would snap out of it any minute. Then there would be only one outcome: he'd receive a brutal beating.

As he felt a familiar flare of murderous intent he cringed shutting his eyes tight...

What followed instead of the expected beating was Akane's panicked shriek cut abruptly short with a sound of mighty, meaty hit. Opening his eyes in panic he saw his fiancee crash into the far wall, obviously thrown over the basin.

"Akane!" he cried out in horror rushing to her side but slipping on the wet tiles and falling over the basin edge, right onto Mousse who was putting his glasses on. Mousse reacted on reflex throwing him over his shoulder and out of the basin.

The fiancee peeled off the dent wall and fell into the water with a resounding splash, followed by pieces of plaster. "I'll be a good girl," she informed the audience when she resurfaced, all the while giggling stupidly.

"YOU FOOL!!!"

Turning towards the mighty — albeit still cute — bellow from the entrance, the guys saw an unfamiliar girl of diminutive stature. One could mistake her for a twelve-year old if not for the aura of confidence she radiated.

"What are you doing? Trying to kill yourself?!" She made a strange motion as if dragging someone higher than herself by their hair.

"Hey, who the heck are you?" Ranma enquired none too friendly as he hastily covered himself with a towel. There was something suspicious about this runt.

"No shame at all!" Mousse added indignantly.

Not paying them even a slightest attention, the stranger fished Akane out of the basin by the scruff, pulling the bigger girl up with a visible strain then forcefully bringing her hands together.

"Hey!" Ranma snapped at her. "What do you think are you doing?"

She just let go of Akane's scruff.

The tomboy flopped back down into the water. "Owww! It hurts!" she groaned resurfacing.

"I'm _extremely_ disappointed with you!" the stranger berated her crossing her arms and trying to speak in a bass. The effect was more comical than anything but Akane wilted none the less.

"I'm sorry, sensei... I just... She..."

"I wonder if I should start re-training you from the very beginning?" ominously hinted the diminutive girl. "You are slipping again, towards the way of the berserk. Maybe that was the cause behind your failure at today's meditation?"

Re-training...? Sensei...? Ranma was taken aback. What is going on here? Does the uncute tomboy really try to improve herself?

"By the way, who are these?" the stranger asked while casting a measuring look at him and Mousse.

"Saotome Ranma," he replied casting his own measuring look at the stranger. She held herself with confidence but there was something wrong about her movement, like the body wasn't hers or the like. "Of Saotome Anything-goes school. And this there is Mousse." He tried but couldn't determine her level: was she a skilled fighter or posed no threat at all? That alone said something.

"He's my fiance, Rukia-sensei," Akane explained while gingerly attempting to stand up. "Remember, I told... Oww!" Wincing in pain she fell back into the water. No surprise here: she could have a huge bravado, she could be used to forcing herself though any pain — a natural tomboy, how could she deny it? — but the impact that sent her flying was of bone-shattering strength. Heck, you could down Ryouga with such a hit!

He cast a worried glance at his fiancee — what if she had something broken? — but didn't offer to help her stand up: she'd surely snap at him. Still, he asked the question he should have asked in the first place: "Akane, who hit you?"

Her reaction was strange at best. The uncute girl laughed nervously, one hand on the back of her head, like she was caught red-handed on something embarrassing. "Ah... Um... Nobody in particular... Ha-ha-ha..."

He stared, stupefied. She's joking, right? Or is she losing it?

Even the harsh-pretending stranger boggled at this: "Akane..." She sighed. "That won't do." She fished something out of her pocket... Wait, does she seriously think that...

Rukia wanted to scream and rip at her own hair. It wasn't enough that her protege royally blundered and it was their luck alone that they were still alive. It wasn't enough to discover that the founder of her pupil's school was a hell knows what if not worse. It wasn't enough for her pupil to commit an act of unbelievable stupidity almost killing herself. No. The situation continued getting worse snowballing down the gutter. Now this fiance here would learn about the Shinigami cutting all her chances to weasel out of this mess. As it was, she didn't just break the regulations, she stomped on them and kicked their dog. So she'd be very lucky to be assigned for a crapper guard duty for the next couple centuries. But no, she felt deep down inside she wouldn't get off that easily.

She wasn't about to give up, however. Approaching him in an absolutely unobtrusive, innocuous way she whipped up the memory replacer...

She didn't even see him move. An untraceable moment later her hand was empty, the pigtailed guy stood glaring at her and lazily throwing the replacer in his hand up and down. He stood in a pretty deceptive combat stance looking at the first glance completely relaxed.

"Give that back at once! You cannot..."

"And you what, can?" The pigtailed guy interrupted her. A serious level martial artist whom she inexcusably underestimated. The fact that she was told — repeatedly — about him being the kick-assiest fiance in all Japan was just adding insult to injury. The harsh lesson of letting your emotions get the better of you.

"Akane," The pigtailed martial artist glanced at her protege while still keeping Rukia in his field of view, as well as his killing zone. "Tell me the truth. Who hit you?"

"I..." She glanced at Rukia uncertainly. "I, well... I hit me myself."

"Yourself?!" The fiance dropped his jaw. Then turned his unfriendly eyes at Rukia. "What did you do to her?"

"I failed as a teacher!" Rukia exclaimed in a dramatic voice throwing her hands to the sky. "Oh woe to me, to be cursed with a pupil deprived of any talent!" She pierced Akane with an accusing glare. "My heart weeps looking at your failure after failure! Why, oh why did fate have to punish me so mercilessly!"

Looks like it worked. The fiance backed off grumbling something about his father's adultery — how could _that_ be related to anything? — not to say about the profound pedagogic effect her lecture had on Akane. There was only one matter left to resolve...

"And give that thing back!" She started advancing on the fiance making attemts to snatch the memory replacer. The effort could look futile at the first glance but however fast and agile a martial artist is... Aha,here is it! Always in the wrong time in the wrong place!

The soap.

The pigtailed martial artist windmilled his feet keeping his balance... but losing the towel in the process. After which he needed his hands for more urgent task than holding a memory replacer not belonging to him. The lighter-like object flew in an arch landing in the basin.

Rukia used the situation to its full extent ushering the indignant Mousse out together with the cowed Ranma who was highly unnerved by the hysterical shrieks of the beet-red Akane. In Rukia's opinion, the troubled girl utterly failed to disguise her embarrassment for a righteous fury... But the fiance bought it, for some reason or the other.

When the guys finished dressing and the dressing room fell quiet Rukia directed her protege towards the hot bath. Worn out by the day's stresses, Akane quickly fell into the limp noodle mode, both bodily and mentally. Alas, Rukia was denied the much deserved relaxation. Instead of soaking she spent a whole hour searching in the basin, around the basin, in the wash-basins that held shampoos and other assorted stuff, even in the dressing room amongst the towels.

The memory replacer was nowhere to be found.

* * *

Shampoo was nodding with a harried smile gripping the polished wood of the ancient staff. She'd seen granny in many moods: good-natured, harsh, even furious like a mountain storm, but this... This was too much. When Cologne forgot he passage of time digging through the chest full of various mementos she could understand and so she readied herself to wait. When Cologne began reminiscing the stories of her youth, she could understand and so she readied herself to listen. But when Cologne went to remember her fiance of ages long past, going into all the juicy details and giggling like a demented schoolgirl... Shampoo kept her polite smile on with sheer willpower alone while wishing for only one thing: to be somewhere far, far away.

The old masters could be outright terrifying at times.

* * *

"Wha... What's this?!" Ukyou lost her voice, the words coming out in a hysterical wheeze.

"It's one of the best modifications I ever made!" proudly replied Tessai while handing the cook her battle spatula. The mustached giant obviously missed her point.

"That's not what I meant!" shrieked Ukyou. "What's this? Right there?" She pointed her shaky finger at the flat of the spatula.

"It's the channeling and focusing sigils," Tessai went into technical details missing her point _again_. "This circuit here absorbs the scattered spiritual energy while resonating with your spirit. The entire network is attuned to it making this spatula an unique weapon only you could wield. Then there's another resonator working also as an accumulator, and there's the focusing construct that forms a plane of energy superimposed with the plane of your weapon while also increasing its structural strength. The task many would find impossible," There was a note of pride in his voice, "but not me. Implanting the silver-filled capillar channels into the base metal I..." He was lost in his explanation drowning his audience with the arcane terminology and hearing no one but himself.

Ukyou wanted to hit her head against the wall. Repeatedly.

"The cross... Why the cross...?" she asked almost crying.

"The cross?" echoed Tessai, clearly confused. He looked down at his handiwork. "Hmm, really a cross..." It seems this was the first time he noticed a huge silvery cross adorning now the flat of the spatula. "An interesting side effect. I didn't expect the solution of the combined equation to manifest as the traditional Quincy symbol..."

"You see," added Urahara emerging from her back, "The Quincy didn't choose their symbol out of the blue. It's simply the most efficient focus for the type of spiritual energy you use. However you want to call yourself, however you modify their techniques, you still stay a Quincy of sorts."

"Ain't that comforting, Owner," Ukyou said with a heavy sigh kneeling down and receiving her weapon from Tessai with both hands, like a samurai sword. "Thank you," She said with sincere gratitude bowing to the mustached giant. "I acted rudely, blaming you when I should blame... I should blame what I am." She gripped the handle of the modified spatula whispering almost inaudibly: "So you can't run from your fate...? Wel, I don't give a damn. I'll follow Ran-chan even into the Hell itself."

* * *

Mousse held his trophy high, triumphant. At last! At the long last! A real arcane artifact! With this he'll win his Xian Pu making her see that Ranma is a honorless... Ahem... He suddenly remembered the guy in question saving his hide. He'll make her see that Ranma is a shameless gigolo and two-timer! Even if you can rely on him in combat.

He looked at his tool of justice. Hmm, looks like an ordinary lighter. How exactly does one use it? It can't be that simply...

Poof! A cloud of colored smoke erupted out of the thing, Mousse's eyes following the bird head bobbing on a spring. He was completely hypnotized. Then his hand spasmed.

Poof! **Poof!** **Poof!** **POO-POOFF!!!**

A huge cloud of colored smoke rose over some unremarkable rooftop. Then an unlucky hidden weapons master fell out of that cloud like a ragdoll crashing into someone's trashcans below. A burnt out, blackened bird head dropped near him with a muffled tap.

"Beloved, I'm coming..." He tried to rise but flopped back into the pile of trash, the cracked glasses falling off his nose. "Just wait for me... And I'll come..." Her angelic face swam before his eyes beaming a smile at him. She laughed without a care in the world dancing under the emerald-green spring sky, her violet hair tied into a pigtail flowing in the wind... He smiled back at her, and lost his consciousness.

(o)(o) End of Chapter 9 (o)(o)

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Note: as of April 16, 2010 this fic is officially on hold.

The Bleach manga is now at the point where a crucial knowledge of the plot driving force could be gained at any moment. The main villain was kind enough to start explaining his Xanatos Gambit. Unfortunately, he was interrupted.

In light of this, I decided to pause writing this fanfic and wait for the partial, or complete, resolution to correct my plot accordingly. If, in contrary to my expectations, no new information is revealed in the next two or three months (say, till July 2010) I'll continue on as planned.

* * *

Thanks for C&C to:

— Sunshine Temple  
— LawOhki

Last correction: March 19, 2010

**Monster-of-the-week info**

There were none (well, you can count Happousai if you wish)


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